September 30, 2010

Overnight Submission

This is something that we see done all the time in the online world. People enter this lifestyle and start chatting with someone only to 'submit' to that person after a week or two. What is irritating is these are the very same people who proclaim 'My Master is the best int he world' or 'She is the best slave I ever met'. The question I have is how do you know that?


The simple truth is that relationships take time. No matter what the lifestyle or arena in which people are interacting in, it takes time to develop rapport with another person. We see this in the workplace where a Manger/employee relationship is forged over the course of years. Obviously, people need to spend time together before being able to take the step of entering into marriage. And, friendships are not developed overnight but, rather, take a lot of interaction for each person being comfortable to call the other a 'friend'.

No matter what the situation, trust needs time to develop. We all would like to trust someone immediately after meeting them. However, for most of us, this is something we are incapable of doing. Past situations leave an imprint upon our psyche. Everyone who has interacted with another person was 'burnt' on at least one occasion. Trust is something that we all had broken in the past. Because of this, we tend to be a bit 'gun shy' in the beginning. Most can adequately get past this given enough time but it doesnt happen overnight.

Of course, there are some who take the exact opposite track. Instead of withholding their trust, they give it to anyone who will interact with them. These are the ones who tend to lack common sense and are apt to find themselves in situations which are dangerous. The truth is that bad people do exist. We cannot know the motivation of each person we meet. While we like to think everyone is noble, reality shows us otherwise.

The fact to remember is that it takes time to develop a relationship.

An Added Factor

There is one area which is worth mentioning that is rather unique to the BDSM community. It is something that many will want to question before getting involved with another. Sadly, few ever do this. The factor that I am referring to is in the area of experience. I believe everyone should thoroughly know exactly how much BDSM experience one has and if it is real time or not. There is a safety component that the rest of the world does not have to deal with. Therefore, ask and if you do not receive satisfactory answers, move on.

Why do I bring this point up? When we consider relationships, one might ask a potential mate how many times he or she was married. This is natural. Nevertheless, few ask how many dates the person went on or what his/her level of experience is in relationships. The truth is that rarely does it matter in the traditional world. One might be married a couple of times due to circumstances beyond his/her control. Of course, if the person was married 7 or 8 times, that might be a warning sign. However, under normal circumstances the dating experience of another is irrelevant.

That is not true in the BDSM world. We are engaged in activities that stray from the beaten path. Experience in this arena shows that one is able to performs duties and activities that a newer person might struggle with. While newer people might try to fake things to get by, ultimately the true is evident fairly quickly. There simply is no substitute for experience.

Before going any further with this idea, I will state that experience is equally applicable to both dominants and submissives. Some believe that the experience is only needed on the part of the dominant since he/she is responsible for the safety of the other person. This is true but I have met many 'submissives' who hadnt a clue about how to live in a BDSM relationship. And, I find that one's experience is more important the further along one goes on the power exchange spectrum. Many self-proclaimed slaves have caused tremendous damage simply by trying to be something they are not. This is not something that one can fake.

An experienced person will be able to interact with another in a safe, effective manner for the role he/she is there to fulfill. Of course, there was a time when we all were new. Thus, if one does lack the experience, it is best to get that out on the table. A lack of honesty is a surefire way to eliminate trust instantly. What can take months to erect is washed out in a few minutes simply by not telling the truth. So, anyone who is new, do not feel bad about admitting it. In most instances, the time spent getting to know the other person can also be utilized to increase your abilities. This will somewhat negate the factor of experience.

In the end, resist the temptation to submit to someone instantly. It is best to take the time to get to know that person. Once you believe you have a good understanding about him or her, then you can choose to submit. Just be sure it takes longer than a week.

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slave Forrest on September 30, 2010 at 1:47 PM said...

Very good post Sir, and much needed for any new submissive or slave to learn. This lifestyle can bring out the best, and also the worst in people. Lucky for me, Master and i were together 16 years before taking this path. I have a very addictive personality. Master is working with me so i won't be prey later in life.

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