March 21, 2010

The Online Charade

This is a post that some people will disagree with. However, I spent a lot of time on different sites over the last few years. This, coupled with my decade of experience in this BDSM lifestyle, gives me insight that most lack. Sharing this combined experience so as to give people an idea about what is going on is what my goal is. Please consider this before you decide these ideas foolhardy.

People who are online have every motivation under the sun. There are people who are seeking to just pass the time. Others are trying to learn about a particular topic or subject. Some want to get their rocks off while others looking for something meaningful. These various motives need to be considered when you are chatting with someone.

The Internet

The advent of the Internet changed the complexion of the BDSM lifestyle forever. Today, we are still an alternative lifestyle that is still not accepted by the mainstream. However, I believe that we have left the days where we were "underground". My feeling is the World Wide Web is responsible for this transformation. Individuals now have a place to turn to find out about what we are into. This is remarkably easier than the olden days when personally knowing someone was about the only way to gain insight.

Before going any further, I will categorically state my beliefs with this new medium. The Internet offers two advantages that anyone can put into practice to gain immediate benefit. First, like was just mentioned, the educational opportunities are limitless. Knowledge is much easier to come by since we have posted so much online. A new person can spend a few weeks reading blogs like this and gain an enormous amount of intelligence pertaining to this way of life. This is something that accelerated only because of the 'Net.

The second advantage is that the Internet allows you to find and interact with people who you normally would not be able to access. In the olden days, the odds of gaining insight from someone from the UK if you were in America was slim. In fact, unless one was in your local BDSM community, the odds were you never would encounter him or her. Interaction was relegated to only a few traditional channels. Again, the Web changed all that.

The Downside

As great as this advancement was for our community, it also offered up some downfalls that we see today. This downside, in my opinion, results in the infliction of pain on many who are unsuspecting. Warning people of these dangers is a top priority for me. Those who take exception to what I write can go spin on a bottle. The truth is people are being seriously hurt in many different ways.

To start, the Internet is a communication tool. It is a medium that allows you to connect with another person. However, it is not real. Those who believe what they experience is true needs to take a look at that. Too often, I see the results of people falling for the fairy tale that is presented.

As I mentioned, there are many different motivations for being online. To presume that someone is in a chat room or forum for the same reason as you is insane. They are not. The vast percentage of people are seeking something different than the one who is seriously looking to find a valid person. My estimates have that as high as 95%.

While many feel that having fun and interacting online is a great way to pass the time, I see those who take it too far. Getting emotionally attached to someone whom you do not have any other contact with is setting yourself up for a downfall. The Internet offers everyone anonymity. Many use this to pass themselves off as something they are not because of the fact that nobody can see them. Simply read a few blog posts and you have enough to pass yourself off as an expert. This is where those who believe what they have is real are in jeopardy of tremendous hurt.

The Charade

When it comes to BDSM, I can tell you that most of what is online is a complete charade. There are many who are proclaiming to be something they are not. That is the bottom line. While not discounting the medium, I will state that I do not believe that anyone who has an online relationship has anything more than a potential relationship. I will not say the person that is being interacted with is not real. However, I will say that further proof is needed.

I was reminded when chatting with someone who was relating to me her experiences with online Doms. She said that they were so ridiculous in what they were doing. This I can believe. She mentioned that one wanted her to not interact with any other Doms and be celibate to him. This might make sense in a real time relationship. Yet, this person was in a different country altogether. Fortunately, she was astute enough to realize the facade of this person.

This brings up another point. What is this sub agreed to his demands. Suppose she said that she would not be with anyone else. How is he to know? The answer is he can not. It reminds me of a post I read where one explained of a person she knew who took the collar of 13 Masters online. Obviously, this person is a fake but I can guarantee that at least 10 of those guys thought what they had was real. The proof is in the numbers.

Just because I proclaim myself an astronaut does not make it so. The same is true for BDSM. I suggest you look for the charade that people are playing. Even if they are earnest in their statements, the odds are that the experience and abilities lack. I came across so many who said they were slaves only to conclude they were not. I believe these people were truthful with their beliefs. However, they lacked the real world application to know that it wasnt true. It takes a great deal more than a belief to live as a 24/7 slave.

The Next Step

If you are dealing with someone who is true and real, congratulations. However, I would suggest that you rapidly more the relationship to the traditional level of interaction. Before doing that, I feel you are at the potential level. There might be something to build upon between the two of you. However, moving it offline is needed. Without that, you are just living an online fantasy.

How is this accomplished? Simple. Start to use the other forms of communication. That is your next step. I will caution to do this only after you are certain that it is safe to reveal some of your personal information. My tendency is to start phone interaction as soon as it is appropriate. Without talking to someone in real time, there is little to decipher. Lots will get lost in the online communication. Talking with someone allows you to uncover different things. If you feel hesitant to give out your phone number, then use the voice mechanism on something like Yahoo Messenger. This allows for real time interaction while protecting your identity.

After that, I would say most are capable of nurturing the relationship along. When you feel it right, perhaps arrange an in person meeting. This is naturally easier if you are in the same area. However, many travel to other towns, states, or countries for a weekend (week) visit. This will allow for the real time interaction to grow. It is at these points that you honestly know you are dealing with someone real. Then, the charade is over. Either one is what he or she proclaims, or is not. You will know definitively at this point. However, that will never happen as long as you remain engaged in the online game.

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