March 31, 2010

"On Your Knees Bitch"

How many times have we seen this in a BDSM chatroom? Here is where we know we entered the realm of know-nothing fantasy seekers. These are the people who think they have a clue what the D/s or M/s lifestyle is all about. It is stunning to me that people actually listen to these meatheads.

Have Something To Offer

The last few days saw me write about this subject. I believe the real D/s/M/s seekers are going to judge a person at a deeper level. This does not mean to imply that they are being shallow or unfair. What I am saying is that to attract the attention of someone who is serious about this way of life, you had better have something other than a snotty cyber attitude.

Over the last few months, I wrote about the lunacy of dealing with the pretenders that are out there. My estimate is that 90% of the people are absolute fakes. They have no interest in a real time relationship. Instead, they have other objectives. Obviously, if cybersex if your thing, that is wonderful. However, most of the people I encounter who are seeking this as a way of life, are not interested in cybersex. They are seeking something greater.

The same is true for the online Doms/Masters. What most of them fail to understand is that online doesnt always translate into real time. There are a great many more factors to consider. Taking control of someone's life through his or her submission is radically different than accepting an online offer. At the end of the day, in reality, when in an online deal, you have no responsibility whatsoever to that person. In real time, the situation is vastly different.

I know many who proclaim to be Masters (as an example) but really do not have the muster to control and dominate. They are to indecisive. There also seems to be a lack of understanding of how a Master needs to wear a variety of different hats. Sometimes one is a shoulder to cry on; other times a disciplinarian; still others will see you as a friend; and others as a teacher. Whatever the circumstances, the dominant one needs to be able to handle what is presented. There is a great deal more to this life than just sex.

Courting Process

I shutter to use this word for fear that those who are apt to "romanticize" this lifestyle start to take this idea down the wrong path. However, it is accurate when you think about what we do. Obviously, the idea of a relationship starts off when two people are attracted to each other in some way, shape, or form. There is something that exists that initially garners attention. In offline meetings, this usually is physical. From there, things move to deeper levels.

Online is a totally different animal. This is where the neanderthals amaze me. Do they honestly believe that entering a chat room and behaving like a total ass is attractive to people? Obviously so. Nevertheless, I found that people who are seeking something real are as turned off by this behavior as I am. The simple truth is that a submissive type needs to be wooed. The idea of simply being abusive does not cut it.

In my post yesterday, I mentioned that writing posts on forums will allow those who read to get some idea that you are one who has a clue about what this life is all about. This is the online form of courting. A perspective sub can read and get to know a bit about you. From there, online chats are a good way to interact one-on-one. During these sessions, I would presume that a worthwhile person will reveal the knowledge he or she has. This is how relationships work.

Nevertheless, few seem to travel this path. They believe that people ought to submit to them completely simply because they claim they are a Dom or Master. What a crock that is? I love chatting with meatheads like that. They want respect without earning it. The idea that someone should kneel at their feet shows how little they know. You must have something before someone will give you something.

I cannot tell you how many middle aged, overweight, broke men post profiles saying something to the effect: longtime Master seeking slave for total domination and who will know her place. You are expected to submit to me completely. Anything less will not be tolerated.

Now, to start, I understand this outlook since most real Masters encounter just as many fakes online as the other way around. Nevertheless, this doesnt absolve the idea that this person shows nothing worthwhile. He claims to be longtime but how is anyone to know. And, I understand that looks arent everything, but they are something. That aside, what are you offering in terms of a life? Are you financially able to take care of another one? If not, how do you expect her to survive if you arent covering that for her? Where does trust enter the equation? What are you willing to do to earn that trust? And finally. Do you have respect for people who are submissive or are you an arrogant ass? These are all things that will go through her mind.

In the end, there is a courting process that takes place within this way of life. "On your knees bitch" is not a way that will attract anyone's attention. I cannot tell you the number of people I came across who left rooms because people were arrogant asses like that. If you are trying to impress someone, you might want to think of another approach. And, if you are trying to make up for a lack of self worth, sign up for a personal development course. Either way, stop acting like such a jackass.

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Heather B on March 31, 2010 at 7:50 PM said...

Interesting post. :) I actually completely stopped going in chat rooms and using certain sites because of this very reason. It really is frustrating to try to navigate through the online "scene" when there is so much absurdity all around.

Dennis on April 1, 2010 at 11:53 AM said...

Thank you for your comment Heather. That is why I set up the a social networking site myself. I find that there are so many trollers out there. Perhaps stop by and let me know what you think.

kittenone on April 4, 2010 at 5:25 PM said...


You might want to go to this social community that is absent all the jerks that are on the main sites.

BDSM Community

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