March 14, 2010

Keeping Things Quiet

This is a subject that keeps appearing on my social networking BDSM site. I am continually amazed how many people still decide to advertise their choices to anyone who will listen. While understandable from the newer people, it is baffling to see more experienced people do this.

The BDSM lifestyle is considered alternative for a reason. Obviously, we are not in the mainstream. The traditional model is really the only one that the majority of society is willing to accept. Anything outside those bounds means there is something wrong with the person electing to live that we. As you will see, there is often a price to pay.

Polyamory is something that I am very familiar about. It you are uncertain what it means, do a search on that keyword and read up on it. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you will know that I, along with many others in BDSM, are polyamorous. Nevertheless, this is another lifestyle that requires secrecy.

I recently read a story about a family that appeared on national television on a show about the polyamorous lifestyle. Naturally, this revealed to everyone the way this family lived. Needless to say, since children were involved in this polyamorous family, some were not thrilled. In fact, a lawsuit ensued filed by the children's grandparents. The hub (the female in this instance) was forced to give up her children because of the revelation that she was living in a poly relationship.

While this is a different lifestyle, the concept holds true for BDSM. Many will not understand the bruises on your thighs or ass. Therefore, do not advertise them at the family reunion. Living as a slave is not recognized as a conceivable lifestyle choice, thus do not proclaim it. The lack of understanding by the average person is enormous. Sadly, it is something that most will never comprehend so explanations are futile.

Many state that they are only concerned about your happiness. However, this is not true in the majority of the cases. What they really want is your to be happy as long as your choices meet up with their expectations. Defy that and you will see how disappointed people get. The aforementioned example shows this. As long as the daughter was monogamous, everything was okay as far as the grandparents were concerned. Opt for something different, and suddenly this person is unfit to be a mother. That is how the world works.

Advertising yourself serves no merit. Those who do are usually empty trying to fill a void. They lack something within themselves, thus they need to create a persona that fits whatever is rattling around in their head. Online interaction makes this easy to do. The anonymity of the Internet allows anyone to be anything. We see this everyday in chatrooms around the world. People instantly are transformed into whatever they conjure by filling out a profile. Reality is not important in this instance.

I often write how safety is the most important issue we need to deal with. At every moment, we need to be mindful of the safety of all who are involved. Part of this is protecting oneself and one's family from the intrusions of those who do not understand. It only takes one vengeful person, and your life could be ruined. I will grant that most of us will not end up on national television. However, the Internet has just as many prying eyes. You never know who will check out your profile.

Testing the validity of my theory will come at a price. If you believe that you are immune from such intrusions, think again. There are countless stories appearing in mainstream publications of BDSM gone wrong. Failing to take protective measures leads to suffering. In an instant, someone is revealed to be a part of this lifestyle. It could be at the hands of the police, media, or a business associate. Either way, people are put in uncomfortable positions if they are not careful.

Getting excited about finding this way of life is a wonderful thing to do. Nevertheless, one's desire to proclaim one a "slave" or "Master" must be tempered. Failing to do so will lead to prying eyes. Trust me on this one and take this suggestion to heart. There is no need to advertise your new found lifestyle. It will serve you no good in the long run. Those who are in this lifestyle will learn about you without going to that length.

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Lady Sascha on March 14, 2010 at 10:58 AM said...

Good post and I agree. Unfortunately some people can't see beyond their own narrow limits and use that as a basis to judge others. For this reason I keep my personal and professional life separate. In my personal life, only a few people know what I do.

Dennis Najee on March 19, 2010 at 5:28 PM said...

Thank you for the comment Lady Sascha. Spreading the word telling people to keep there mouths shut is not an easy task. Many new people tend to get their noses out of joint. It is nice to encounter those who understand the perils that exist.

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