March 19, 2010

BDSM Foundation: Consensual


The motto for the BDSM community is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. This is the guideline that many people follow. There are some who dispute the validity of it, but I would say they are in the minority.

Have you ever considered what consensual means? To me, this is what negates all arguments against this way of life. BDSM is something that we all agree to. If there is not consent on the part of both parties, then I do not consider that a legitimate BDSM interaction. When lines are crossed, that is abuse; pure and simple.

Some of the actions that take place within this way of life are pretty extreme. The images that are posted do an adequate job reflecting this to the general public. While I maintain this is not the majority of the lifestyle, it is a big enough factor to consider. People engage in activities that are painful. Outsiders will wrongly conclude that one is being abused. Most times, this is not the case.

The analogy that fits the best is comparing consensual sex to rape. Anyone can determine the difference between the two. Here we have two actions that are the same, sexual intercourse, but outcomes that are radically different. Rape is a horrible experience that scars one while consensual sex will leave a much better impression.

BDSM is the same way. A sub who consents to being tied up and whipped is not a victim. That person is a willing participant in something that produces pleasure for him or her. As long as the boundaries are maintained, both people involved are satisfied. This is sharply different from abuse. One who has those boundaries crossed is victimized. Thus, a pleasurable experience turns into a painful one. The same action has a different outcome.

The naysayers proclaim that we are sick people for behaving in such a manner. My feeling is that adults are free to do as they wish so long as consent is involved. D/s and M/s relationships are built upon the foundation of consent. Parties negotiate what they are requiring of the other person. Agreements are spelled out with unacceptable behavior duly noted. As long as both parties adhere to what is agreed upon, victimization is virtually eliminated.

Let us know what your views are on this topic.

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1 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a great post. I have been interested in BDSM for a long time but I didn't pursue it because I felt uncomfortable with how rough I like to play at times. And I am a feminist and a man who mostly sleeps with women so it seemed like a major conflict. But so long as there is clear consent between sane adults playing safe, it really isn't anyone else's business. Practicing good consent is absolutely critical in my opinion--and goddamn hot in my experience. :)

 

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