March 20, 2010

Role Playing In BDSM


The subject of role playing is something that is a touchy subject among many within the BDSM community. There are some who are true believers that people are to "live" this lifestyle. Therefore, they feel that there is no place for people who want to pretend.

I am not one who is in this particular camp. While I do "live" this way of life, I also understand how BDSM is flexible. It can be contoured to meet the needs of many regardless of how involved they make it. This includes those who want to engage in role playing exercises as a means of sprucing up the sex life.

Role playing is a way that many people enhance their interaction. Most times it is a bit of harmless fun designed to fulfill some desires. Interestingly, it is just as common in the traditional world as it is in BDSM. Many couples assume roles during sex. We all have heard of the doctor/nurse, boss/secretary, and officer/prisoner fantasies.

The BDSM community takes things a little bit further. We take the officer/prisoner fantasy and accessorize it with actual handcuffs, cages, and whips. Also, the rights granted under the Geneva convention are not applied to our prisoners. Punishments are harsh and severe. The roles played are used to satisfy the S&M side of these individuals.

I must state that not everyone who engages in role playing goes to the extreme. Some merely use the domination/submission as a means of sexual enhancement. In my mind, these people are truly involved in BDSM. While they might not live the D/s lifestyle, they have crossed the line outside the vanilla. The fact that they re-enter after orgasm is not important to me.

Role playing is also a way for people to "get their feet wet". Few can enter with the idea of instantly moving into a 24/7 M/s relationship. There is a period of adjustment for one who is learning about this lifestyle. I am one who knows how different we are from the traditional world. It often takes time for people to recondition themselves as to what they want. Society promotes only the heterosexual vanilla idea. We offer something that is more diverse. Early on, we encounter concepts that require an adjustment of thinking. Role playing allows one to open his or her mind in stages.

The next time you hear someone spouting off how role playing is not true BDSM, ask that person to explain exactly what that means. To me, anyone who enters into our activities, regardless of the depth he or she goes to, is involved with us. It is best if we start living with the idea of inclusion as opposed to exclusion. Failing to do so makes us just like those we rail against.

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