March 23, 2010

Interested In BDSM?


I decided to take a turn back to the beginning. The problem with being involved with something for so long is that we often forget what it was like in the beginning. Today, I am going to write a "retro" post about the early stages of one's BDSM life.

The Pictures Look Nice

Most of us, in the era, come across the BDSM world via the Internet. We are surfing around and come across a site that has some interesting pictures on it. There we find people who are tied up in a variety of sexual positions while being dominated by another. This catches out attention. Over the next few days, we begin to consider what it would be like to experience something like that. Thus, our search begins.

Sexual imagery is what is promoted by those who are seeking to profit online. We have to be honest to the fact that a large percentage of online surfers are seeking sex related activities. Studies are continually done which proves this. Our way of life is no exception.

This brings us to the first challenge: the BDSM lifestyle can entail a great deal more than just sex. There are other facets to this way of life that go a lot deeper than an orgasmic afternoon. However, that is not to say that either starting BDSM in the sexual arena or only pursuing it that far is wrong. Truly, there is no right and wrong in this way of life. We are people who seek to satisfy our needs. Developing a course of action that works for you is important.

Communication

I mention this at this point in the conversation for the simple reason that many are presently involved in relationships (vanilla) when they happen upon this lifestyle. I cannot tell you how many have contacted me asking what suggestions I have for making the husband/wife into a dominant (it always seems the submissive types are asking that). Sadly, my experience is that one is not going to change someone into something that he or she is not. Training one to be dominant or submissive when they lack that naturally is usually a dead-end path.

Does this mean that you throw in the towel before getting started? Absolutely not. What is important is for you to communicate your desires with your significant other. My only suggestion here is to start slowly. That is one of the reasons why entering the sexual arena works so well. It is easy to disguise BDSM as just "spicing up the sex life". Many couples experiment with ropes, scarfs, and spankings. While they might not be aware, they are actually engaging in a light form of BDSM play. They are involved without even knowing it.

Discussing things with your partner enables you to monitor his or her reception to things. Most people are up for some additional sexual stimulus. However, there is a big jump from there into a full blown M/s relationship. Many steps need crossing along the way. Open lines of communication allow you to proceed together towards the desired end.

*If you presently find that you are not involved in a relationship, then you path is a bit easier. You have the advantage of making the decision solely for yourself. Your challenge is to find a BDSM partner to share things with. This will be explained in a future post.

Knowledge

This is where I find a double-edged sword exists. There is a saying that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. No truer words were ever written about many of the people in the BDSM community. They are absolute fruits. For whatever reason, they have an idea in their minds that reading a couple of sites puts them at the level of expert. These are the ones who are truly dangerous.

The other factor about the Internet is that there is a great deal of garbage out there written by people who have no clue. Any idiot can become a blogger (look at me). Simply sign up with Google, get a free blog, and you are off and running. However, this will not mean that you have anything applicable to say. And, that is what I find happens in this way of life. There are people who proclaim to be slaves without a single idea what that truly means. They are calling themselves slaves while exemplifying a dominant attitude.

Nevertheless, I urge you to read all you can. At present, I have over 300 posts on this site. Therefore, I feel it a great place to start your research. My experience is related from the last 10+ years living this lifestyle as a Master. Nothing I write is conjecture. It is just my experience. This will provide a foundation to base other information against. We all need reference points and I can offer some to you.

After that, sure different BDSM blogs seeking people sharing their experience. The wonderful benefit to this is that we all do not have the same experience. Reading another Master's words gives you a perspective that I might not have. Compare the different ideas to see what words for you.

Another fact is that commonalities will emerge the more you read. Like anything. there are basics in this lifestyle. We use terms that are different from the mainstream. Understanding what these terms mean helps to converse intelligently with those in the lifestyle.

Seek those with knowledge out. There are many sites that have chatrooms or forums packed with the ideas and experiences of others. One site that I set up was done in an effort to parlay the knowledge of others to those seeking (you can find it here).

If you are one of those who is embarking on this path with another, have him or her read similar information. Compare and contrast what you unearth with the natural desires that each of you has. It is not uncommon to find that two subs or two doms are involved with each other. This might create a problem if you are looking for the other to compliment you. Learning these tidbits only comes as a result of communicating the knowledge that you both gain.

Take Your Time

This is the best suggestion anyone can ever give when it comes to this way of life. Many get a quick taste of this lifestyle and want to dive headlong into it. This is how people get hurt. There are many pitfalls which can cause serious damage if one is not careful. Dealing with someone who is not as knowledgeable as he or she professes has let more than one person down. Also, even the most experienced have to be ever mindful of how they are approaching a scene. Safety is always the highest concern.

There is no race here. Resist the desire to go from novice to complete "pain slut" (one of those terms you will have to look up). There is no reward in rushing forward. The price of falling can be great. Follow these steps outlined here to ensure a healthy approach to this way of life. In a couple of months, things will become clearer to you. This will enable you to make better decisions.

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1 comments:

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