February 17, 2010

Why This Lifestyle?

Why did you choose this way of life? Is this something that you actually asked yourself? Or did you just happen upon this way of life and figure it was for you? Whether you asked yourself this or not, there is a reason you chose this way of life.

As I travel around the web, interacting with different people, I find that many are in this way of life for reasons other than their free choice. Usually, people are trying to compensate for something that was missing in their life previously. This is a valid reason if they were proactive in trying to alter things. However, most are simply replicating previous mistakes.

I believe the most basic reason why many submissive types choose this way of life is because they are seeking someone to take care of them. Throughout their lives, every relationship was a train wreck. This could be from parents to spouses to siblings to children. Whatever the relationship, it always ended in catastrophe.

This is where the person encounters the BDSM world. All of a sudden, the idea of being taken care of is inherent in the lifestyle. Initially, much of the appeal is from the fact that the Dom/Master is responsible and our submissive type is only to follow orders. This is so attractive to someone who spent time unsuccessfully traveling from relationship-to-relationship. A pseudo-parent is established.

So, are you looking for a parent to take care of you? If this is your reasoning, you might be disappointed in your BDSM endeavors. While we operate from a place where there is a clear line of power, we still are involved in relationships. People need to interact in a mature way.

Therefore, it is important to ask why are you in this way of life? What is it that you are seeking to find? Is this the only way for you to fill what is missing? Or, are you trying to make up for failures in other aspects of your life? It is time to get honest.

Success in any relationship requires a certain degree of maturity. One of the advantages of childhood is that one is not responsible for a great deal. Perhaps our greatest challenge is to figure out ways to avoid boredom. The big stuff like bills, clothing, and groceries are taken care of. Who wouldn't want that way of life? However, part of the process is growing up. Unfortunately, many who are attracted to BDSM missed this simple fact. They are chasing after something for all the wrong reasons. In the end, more heartache results.

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