February 8, 2010

The Reality of LIfe

Many engage in online for fun and fantasy fulfillment. Moving to real time can also be exciting and highly rewarding. However, it is crucial to remember that BDSM does not exempt us from life. We are part of the real world and that is something that is important to keep in mind.

Recently, I experienced some setbacks. These issues are nothing different than millions of households across the country are facing. However, I bring this up to emphasize that being a Master in the BDSM world does not exempt me from any of these "life issues". All the power I have as a Dom is useless in dealing with certain situations. I am just as powerless as anyone else.

The reality is that BDSM will not solve all of life's problems. I see so many who are catastrophic failures who run to this lifestyle because they believe they will be absolved of dealing with the different circumstances that arise. This is sad because it is just another way to try and shun responsibilities that were never met. Instead of blaming an ex, one can blame a sub or dom, master or slave. Either way, the issues are avoided.

Family, work, financial, relationship; these are all areas that problems arise in. None of us are exempt. It is disheartening to see the "polyanna" mindset that some carry with them into this way of life. We live in a lifestyle with the key word being "life".

Now, I will not burden you with the details of what happened. However, I write these words to forewarn people (especially newer ones) to the reality of life. Do not get caught up in the "honeymoon" of your new lifestyle. It only takes illness faced; one job lost; one family disagreement; one pushy bill collector to snap you back to reality. Many of us live in 24/7 relationships yet we still are living. BDSM is not a way to absolve oneself from the realities of life. If you believe it will, I hate to mention that you might be setting yourself up for failure.

Reality is a tough nut to face. The appeal for many online, in my opinion, is that it allows them to escape reality. When engaging in activities online, one is able to assume any persona he or she wishes. If one does not like how things are going, change is as easy as a new profile in another chatroom. There are no lasting ties to anything in the arena.

We all have problems. The idea is to confront, overcome, and move on. Rarely do things go exactly how we imagine them. Life often throws us a curve ball. However, we will never enjoy the true freedom this lifestyle offers if we simply put our heads in the sand and pretend things do not exist. That is not what emotionally stable and mature people do. Being in touch with reality is even more important in a lifestyle that has so many misleading images associated with it. It is easy to get caught up in the fantasy. Please do not do this.
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