February 24, 2010

Where To Find The Lifestyle

Many go seeking this way of life. The search usually begins by visiting different web sites and blogs amassing information along the way. Sadly, much of this is misleading but that is a topic for another day. While traveling around the web, our prospect starts to interact with doms and subs encountered in the chat rooms. After some time, perhaps this individual will get into some type of online relationship.

The problem with this approach is that it is often externally focused. I have seen so many who get involved with a dom or sub (Master or slave) only to walk away from the lifestyle because of conflict within the relationship. The reason this happens is our new person put the cart before the horse. Dedication to another person occurs only after one commits to the lifestyle. This is how I found success in this lifestyle is created.

That being said, the search into this way of life begins with a journey inward. The truth is that both domination and submission reside within the person. It is not something that is discovered outside of oneself. That is not where it is located. Instead, it is the inner search which reveals the truth.

We chose a lifestyle which has the word "consensual" in its motto (Safe, Sane, Consensual). If this is a consensual way of life, how can one realistically have control over another? In reality, he or she is not able to do that. Domination exists only as long as their is consent. Without that, there is no relationship (we are assuming that one is not willing to engage in felonious activity such as kidnapping or hostage taking). Consent is required for success in BDSM.

I had a discussion with someone regarding ownership. After dwelling upon the conversation, I questioned what determines one to be owned. My conclusion is that one is owned as long as one believes it in his/her mind. The submission process exists while it is present in his or her head. Domination is the same way. As long as one mentally is dominant, then it is so. Changing the mindset removes the reality of these situations. Of course, it is helpful to have the mindset reciprocated. One cannot be dominant without another submitting. It takes two sides to make it so.

This might sound contrary to much of my writing. This is not the case. I am not advocating one taking the submission process lightly. Nor am I stating this is a game to be played with. That is part of the online garbage that I see on a regular basis. "Master shopping" is a pastime for many. These individuals are never in a "relationship" because they never fully commit mentally to any of these other people. To them, submission is handed out like compliments. It means nothing.

So, where does this leave one who is presently involved in a relationship? In my opinion, as long as you both are mentally committed to the roles of your particular relationship, regardless of external circumstances, then ownership is present. To me, this is part of being true to your domination or submission. Again, it takes both parties to make it so. Consent on the behalf of each is required.

When looking for the lifestyle in your relationship, simply look at the mindset of the two involved. Just assuming a title does not make one so. Domination requires certain acts, as does submission. Are those roles being fulfilled? If not, what is the mental outlook of each person? I see many who claim to be submissive, as an example, while having the behavior of a dom. Evidently, the overriding thoughts in this case are that of domination as opposed to submission.

Thus, journey inward to find the BDSM way of life. Your place in this lifestyle will quickly be revealed with a little personal reflection. Committing to another person is a voluntary choice. Remaining true to that choice is often difficult but does yield terrific dividends in most instances. As long as you both are mentally involved, domination or submission prevails.

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