February 25, 2010


This is a trait that I do not read much about as I travel through the BDSM world. However, it is something that is vitally important to success. Any dominant person who lacks this quality will see his/her relationship falter.

Being decisive is something that is necessary for success in life. Many self improvement experts mention how crucial this is for those who are seeking to move forward. I know there are many times in my life that I struggle with this. Certainly, this is a tendency that most of us have at different times.

That being said, I believe this is even more crucial in a BDSM relationship. Since we operate on the premise where an exchange of power occurs, the dominant one is enlisted with the responsibility of directing the relationship. Thus, another is looking towards him/her for decisions.

There are times that making a decision is really difficult. We all encounter those situations where we are torn. Sometimes both options look equally appealing with each having pros and cons. A Dom/Master needs to have the ability to choose one or the other. Sadly, this is a talent many lack.

It is interesting to watch people in general make decisions. Have you ever noticed that deciding what to have for lunch is extremely challenging for some? They will ache over the decision for a couple of hours. This is an example of a person who is not truly adept at making decisions. Something like this carries little risk of being "wrong", thus doesn't necessitate a great deal of energy. Nevertheless, people put themselves through tremendous anguish on something so simple. Of course, the problem only compounds when faced with a decision of a larger magnitude.

In life, there is no standing still. One is either moving forward or backwards. The same is true in relationships. People will come together or break apart. This is the reality of life. Thus, one needs to be decisive in making decisions. Taking on the responsibility of the submission of someone else is a tall order. Success requires being able to continually move the relationship forward. This is done by making decisions.

Many seem to think that being the dominant in a BDSM relationship is easy. The idea of having someone under your control adhering to every wish is a fantasy that can evolve in real life. However, few look at the burden one is required to carry. If you lack the ability to make decisions, you will find that your relationship simply goes in circles. Growth is proactively sought out.

Each of us has experienced those times when we could not make a decision. These times see us experiencing the awful feeling of stagnation. Life is meant to be lived in a forward direction. Standing still means we are actually moving backwards. Part of your responsibility as the dominant one in the relationship is to ensure that things move forward. Work on making decisions to guarantee this occurs.

A good place to start, if you haven't already done so, is to decide what you want for lunch. One decision starts the entire process.

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BlueEyes69 on February 25, 2010 at 6:13 PM said...

You tagged my man, here. That's one of the reasons I think I'm falling in love with him. Every decision he makes is firm and, I admit, usually right. He's amazing.

So is your stuff. Please continue to keep us posted.



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