February 12, 2010

Manipulation Through Guilt


This is a subject that is broader than BDSM. However, I decided to comment on it since much of what we do in this life is simply a microcosm of human nature. Manipulation is something that many (if not all) partake in to a certain degree. Nonetheless, it is an area that can create problems in the BDSM world.

A sub/slave's place is to obey. Depending upon the structure of the relationship, his or her obedience is unquestioning. In the M/s facet of this life, a slave often loses all rights to having his or her desires fulfilled. The only way this can occur is with the blessing of a Master.

Human nature is such that we all wish for certain things. This concept applies to all areas of life. Slaves enter into relationships with their Masters with ideas about how they want things to transpire. A natural occurrence but one that can lead to disappointment and manipulation.

Many claim they are faithful and obedient. These characteristics might be accurate. However, many of these same people are highly manipulative. They engage in behavior that is designed to foster the fulfillment of their own wishes. Sometimes this takes on a subtle form while, other times, it is blatant.

Guilt is one of histories greatest tools for motivation. This mechanism is very powerful when you are dealing with someone you care about and vice versa. Families are a prime example. Many will use the feelings of their loved ones to their advantage. By placing guilt, people often crumble and do what we want.

Slaves will do this same thing. Because a Master has concern and feelings for a slave, he or she might start trying to "guilt" the Master into doing things. I have seen many who will throw out statements referencing what he or she is not getting. Things such as "you never take me anywhere" or "you rarely pay attention to me" are all designed to have the Master experience guilt. And, this is nothing more than a manipulative way to interact. The slave is pushing for what he or she wants.

M/s is not designed to be this way. Certainly a slave can request the fulfillment of any desires. Yet it is up to the Master whether they are fulfilled or not. In the end, if he or she is rejected, that is the conclusion. However, reality often takes on a different twist. Many times the manipulation starts.

Guilt is something that is so commonplace within society that we often do not even notice it. Since we witnessed it from a young age, we feel it is normal. It is not. This is a tool that people use to try to gain the upper hand. Anytime a slave is engaging in this behavior, he or she is at risk of punishment. Manipulation, in my opinion, is spitting in the face of this lifestyle. To me, this is nothing more than a slave taking the power granted back. If that is what he or she wants, perhaps it is best to look for different way to structure a relationship.

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