The Online BDSM Scam

This is not going to be an attack on the entire BDSM world. However, there is a segment, a large one in my opinion, that does not have proper intentions when interacting with others online. The sad thing is that people are so gullible when it comes to this way of life as to fall for what is being said. I am going to relate to you the story of a girl who I had a chat with. Now, before anyone judge her, I can assure you, this story is very common. It is happening everyday. I am writing this as a warning to all who seek this way of life.

New To BDSM

As you can imagine, the person I am referring to is new to the BDSM world. She is one of those people who is convinced she is a slave. In chatting with her, she revealed that she had an online Master. This information was revealed to me during our second conversation. During the first one, she mentioned that she is married with children to a man who is vanilla. He is not interested in living in a domination/submission relationship whatsoever. Therefore, she is caught between living in a vanilla relationship and wanting a BDSM one.

Before going any further, I will mention that many are caught in a similar situation. Society promotes the vanilla way of life and most of us follow this path. This results in getting involved in marriages and having children before we determine what we want. We think that we are follow the way to happiness based upon what we are taught. Thus, when we encounter the BDSM world, we are stuck in a position of having to deal with the results of our prior choices. Oftentimes, one commits to this way of life but needs to go through a period of dealing with the prior decisions before moving forward. This is something that can take years.

Getting back to my conversation with this woman, she also revealed that her husband caught her a number of times on cam with her online Master. This led me to ask how long she was involved with this one online. Not surprisingly, she said they were interacting for a few weeks. Well, how is that for a strong emotional bond.

Where is the common sense?

I often wonder how people can fall for such bullshit. During the course of our conversation, she mentioned that he (the Master) told her that he is willing to move closer to her. Of course he is. She is falling for this hook, line, and sinker.

Where is the common sense? Obviously, this person's marriage is experiencing difficulties before she embarked on her online journey. However, to further risk her marriage over something that most likely is not real is insane. What happened to the common sense this person was born with? Sadly, it seems that common sense flies out the window the second one enters into this lifestyle.

Questioning

Like I am sure most of you have already concluded, I was starting to get suspect about this particular Master. Therefore, I asked her about his experience in the lifestyle. For example, how long has he been it in? How many BDSM relationships has he been in? Does he own other slaves? Is he looking for a live in slave or will he maintain separate resident? Guess how many of these she knew the answer to? You guessed it. Zero. Her response was that he doesnt like questioning him.

Let me make one thing clear: if you are going to make a life decision that affects you and your children, you have the right to ask whatever you want. If you have difficulty remembering this sentence, write it down and memorize it. I do not care what position one says that he or she is, you have a right to know what you are getting yourself into. Anyone who fails to do this is foolhardy and stupid. Naivity is no excuse. Even if thinking is not your specialty, muster at least minimal sense for the sake of your children.

Here is another observation based upon my experience: I never met a true Master who was opposed to the questioning that I mention here. The only ones who object are those who are total fakes. Anyone who is around this lifestyle for any length of time knows how crucial safety is. Whenever dealing with someone new, precaution needs to be taken to ensure that he or she knows exactly what is expected. We also are aware that questioning is how people learn. Those who are fearful of being questioned are those who have something to hide.

The Scam

The sad truth is this scenario is played out everyday online. People are falling for this scam everyday. Those of us who are around a little while can see these people a mile away. They are often the ones on a BDSM site posting pics of their cocks. This shows that they have little idea what BDSM is truly about. They believe it is sexual and that the size of their dick makes a difference. Being a Master has nothing to do with the length of your peepee.

I am all for trying to protect newer people from the vultures that exist online. However, at what point does the responsibility fall to them. If someone is going to act so foolishly as to fall for something like this, then isnt the results deserved. How bad do we feel for the guy who gets conned into buying the Brooklyn Bridge (or Big Bed for the UK readers)? Some cannot be helped no matter what measures are instilled.

Why does this scam work? My belief is because so many want to claim that online is real. My opinion is that it is not. The Internet is called "virtual" for a reason. It mimics life but is not a replacement for it. Those who live online tend to believe they have real relationships when, in fact, they know little about these people. The anonymity of the web allows anyone to create whatever persona he or she desires.

The Choice

People who find themselves in the situation as this woman have a choice to make. This decisions needs to be arrived at before any interaction within the lifestyle can take place. The choice is between the present situation and the lifestyle. It is not a choice between a husband/wife and a Master/Mistress. Rather, it is the election of living one's life a certain way. This often is a difficult decision.

I mentioned in my book, An Owned Life, that people need to go through the 3 Step Submission Process. It is the only way I found for people to have successful BDSM relationships. Failure to follow the proper order results in a train wreck. The first step is for one to become committed to this way of life. This is done before any Master or Mistress is obtained. Trying to reverse this means that your decision is dependent upon the other person. This can never work out well since people are apt to let us down. They are fallable. And, since most find that reality rarely mimics online, they are disappointed when their polyanna relationship turns bad. In the end, many leave the lifestyle because of a bad experience with another person. The lifestyle never had a chance.

Therefore, you need to choose first whether this is the life that you want to live. Like everything else in life, each direction requires some sacrifices. Opting to move into this lifestyle risks alienating those closest to us. Many do not understand how we live and why we want to do this. At the same time, selecting to remain in the vanilla world means that one might miss a lifestyle that is the answer for him or her. However, only that person can choose.

Be Mindful

Be aware of who you are interacting with when you are chatting with people online. The truth is that you do not know who you are dealing with. Unless people are willing to reveal personal details about themselves, then you are flying blind. And, this can be a very dangerous thing. We all read the stories about those who meet death by trusting the wrong online predator. Most of the scammers are harmless but some are outright dangerous. Being mindful of your welfare is of utmost importance.

Remember, the same rules of human interaction that exist in the real world apply online. If something seems out of sorts with an individual, it usually is. At the core of every BDSM relationship is a relationship. The same rules apply as they always have. Human interaction hasnt changed in thousands of years. Common sense is still your best weapon against the scammers. Use it.

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