May 31, 2010

Attitude When Serving


Service is at the core of the BDSM relationship. Regardless of how it is structured, those who submit to another do so with the intention of providing some service to the dominant person. This could be limited only to certain areas as in the instance of many D/s situations or it can affect every aspect of one's life as in M/s. Service is an important component that too many overlook but it is a part of all successful BDSM relationships.

Obey Obey Obey

This is a mantra that is drilled into the head of every submissive type. You cannot travel anywhere on the internet, to any lifestyle site without the topic of obedience being mentioned. Most posts somehow revolve around this subject. Those who want to be "bratty" write how they will disobey on purpose at times. The intention is to get the Dom/Master riled up. This is nothing more than acting like an imp; behavior we expect out of a child.

Without obedience there is no exchange of power. Anyone who exercises the right to decide what she will or will not is maintaining control. This is taking a dominant stance. Some will term this "topping from the bottom". However it is classified, the fact is that submission entails ceding control and power over to another. When one is told to do something, it is his or her place to obey. Obviously, this is an theme that is oft repeated on most sites.

Just Do It?

Nike likes to state "Just Do It". I uttered these words on more than one occasion with my slave also. There are times where a Dom/Master gets tired of the sass and is left with no option but to say "do it". However, this brings up a larger issue: what precedes getting to this point? Typically there is some type of confrontation because the submissive is refusing to do as instructed. It might be a case where he/she is being impish or there could be an outright defiance. Naturally, I am referring to those situations where one is not being put in peril but following through.

When an interaction reaches this point, the submissive will usually take the action that is required. Often this involves the carrying of an attitude. Again, we see this behavior in children when they are told to do something they do not want to do. Tell him or her to go clean the toys off the floor before going outside to play and you will get an argument followed by a distasteful "fine". The action gets completed but with attitude.

How It Is Done

I do not believe that most people like tension. Whenever one resists doing what is instructed when in a relationship of this type, tension is the result. He or she follows through with the action but, like the child, has a distasteful attitude. Oftentimes, this will carry on for a period of time throughout the day ruining other interactions.

Therefore, one must tend to the attitude which one has. The fact is that all of us have actions we take which we do not like. I detest paying bills because I prefer the money in my bank account as opposed to giving it away. Yet I like to have my electric, internet, and servers online. Thus I pay the bill in exchange for the services rendered to me. It is not my favorite thing to do but it must be done. I have the choice of having a miserable attitude towards it or getting it done and move on. If I opt for the former, I will affect everyone around me. Tension will increase with anyone who I interact with. The bill paying process becomes something that bleeds over into other areas of my life until I decide to change my attitude.

This illustration should make it clear how a submissive's attitude makes a difference. Getting the required task completed is only part of the deal. The attitude one approaches things is what really makes the difference. One can serve but how many are willing to happily serve? Forcing one to get things completed wears on a dominant one after a time. This might be one of the reasons for the short live span of many BDSM relationships. Continual fighting and friction is not healthy for any time of relationship and tends to short the life of it.

Attitude is a difference maker. Remember this the next time you are instructed to do something that you detest. Maintaining a poor attitude will seep into other areas. And this is a terrific way to ruin both your and your Dom's day.

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