May 29, 2010

Warning Signs

Many make mention of how there seems only to be fakes and pretenders within the lifestyle. Travel through any lifestyle related dating website and you will see numerous profiles complaining about all the games being played. Obviously, there is a valid reason since I hypothesize that most of the people online a not what they claim to be. Anyone who has done any online interaction knows what it is like encounter these type of people. The wake of misery and hurt is well publicized.

However, I found that much of the same thing exists in real time interaction. Many of these same people also attend their local munches. I will state that these type of people aren't outright fakes. Instead, I believe they fall into the category of being misinformed. Their statements are genuinely what they believe yet they truly do not reflect reality.


This is a quality I see in many "slaves" and one that is a warning sign for any potential suitor. Never have I seen a successful slave who was selfish and thought only about her. Yet, I encounter so many who state they are submissive while thinking only about themselves. To me, this breeds conflict.

I wrote the other day about one who was behaving in this manner while "under consideration" by another. When one insists on meeting friends, changing plans, and forces the One to make all the contact, there is an immediate problem. This is the time when one really wants to put her best foot forward. Failing to contact the one who is considering you shows a complete lack of interest. Therefore, whatever you stated to him/her to garner attention is untrue. You are not seeking to live in this manner. A person in this mindset is still determined to retain control. Selfishness is not conducive to being a good slave.

Lack of Decisiveness

On the flip side, a "dominant" who lacks the ability to make a decision is also raising a red flag. There are many who like to term themselves "Master". However, few have the actual ability to live in this manner. The online crowd believes that domination simply means that another will do whatever he or she wants sexually. This person envisions having all his/her sexual fantasies fulfilled. Sadly for that person, there is a great deal more than that to being a Master.

Another red flag is raised when you look at a person's life. For example, if one claims to be dominant and wanting to control another, is his or her life a total mess? Many who talk the talk fall short when one seeks out proof. How can one expect to run another's life when he cannot run his own? Looking at the circumstances surrounding a person offers great insight into how he or she is.

Listen to Them

Warning signs are there for a reason. They are meant to be followed. Ignoring what is being presented will inevitably lead to hurt and pain. If something seems out of sorts, there is a terrific chance that it is. The old saying, "where there is smoke there is fire". Old sayings are around because they inevitably are true. Warning signs are the smoke.

Lack of congruence is something that everyone needs to watch for. Many will state they want ___________. The proof is in their actions. Does what they do match up to their statement of wanting ___________? In the mentioned example, when a person says that she wants to live as a slave, but then engages in behavior that is completely focused upon herself, is that congruent? Most would not think so. The fact is this person missed something fairly basic about this aspect of the lifestyle. Stating that one wants to serve is not the same as doing it. Actions will always speak louder.

Ultimately, these tidbits will save you a lot of time. Being able to flush out those who are not suited for what you are seeking is an invaluable tool to have. Time and lack of misery are priceless. Be mindful of the warning signs that appear.

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