December 2, 2009

No Limits

Over the last few posts we are discussed some of the more extreme aspects of BDSM. Many seem to feel they are destined to be involved in this realm of the lifestyle only to learn what reality is like. Unfortunately, the impressions offered online are a far cry from real time interaction.

In the last post I mentioned some examples of extreme activities that real live slaves were asked to do. My question to those considering the M/s lifestyle is "can you do these things if asked". (You can read some of the examples here)

This brings up the ever-present argument of whether hard limits exist within a true M/s relationship? To start, limits are always present in D/s. This is something that is non-negotiable. Because of the nature of that interaction, people need to ensure safety in all they do. People who are in this particular relationship often do not have the long-term interaction with each other. The lack of familiarity means that some ground rules are needed. Nevertheless, the M/s world is a completely different animal.

I feel that limits are part of the relationship while there is the "newness". Whenever two people get together, there is a learning curve that each is on. This is true regardless of the type of relationship. We see this in the traditional arena as well as BDSM.

However, as the relationship progresses, I feel the trust factor between a Master and slave should grow. Over time, the slave is able to let go of more because she has experience with this particular person. That truth is invaluable and cannot be replaced. No matter how "real" the previous interaction felt, there is no substitute for in person relations. Over time, each person uncovers more about the other person. Familiarity breeds confidence.

This leads me back to the primary question: are there hard limits in a true M/s relationship? The answer is that there obviously are limits to all behavior. Certain activities are unacceptable regardless of the relationship. For example, sex with a child is always negated. This is something that can never be justified in my mind. A slave who is ordered to cross this line is right in saying "NO!". That being said, most instructions do not carry this severity. Therefore, when you trust someone completely as your Master, there should be nothing that you are not willing to do if instructed. That is the basis of M/s. He (or she) is the one who decides what is to occur. You are along to obey. A limit exist only if the Master says so.

One caveat to this is the idea that a slave may need time to get over certain psychological issues before proceeding to some of the more extreme aspects of this lifestyle. That certainly could be the case. Nevertheless, this is not to be confused with a hard limit. I believe that after a couple of years together, all limits in a M/s relationship will be removed. It is a relationship that naturally evolves into one without limits.

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