November 29, 2009

The Extreme

Like everything else in life, the BDSM community is a variation of degrees. There is what is considered "light bondage" which is at the less severe end of the spectrum. Going to the opposite extreme, we find hardcore M/s relationships where nothing is off limits. And, of course, there are variations in between. The question is, where do you fit?

Many seem to picture the extreme in their mind. This is due to the fact that this side of the lifestyle is promoted through imagery online. Websites like to go for the "shock value" when promoting their goods and services. Nevertheless, there is some basis in reality for what they promote.

The Master/slave relationship is considered one of the more extreme aspects of this way of life. At the core of this interaction is the complete exchange of power. Those who choose to engage in this particular flavor need to be aware of the limitations (or lack thereof). Many claim to be slave material yet fail miserably when asked to do something. This is why it is important to know where you fit.

I wrote on a number of occasions how I believe only a few are truly cut out to be slaves. A cruise around different chat rooms quickly reveals the fantasy many are engaging in. While they claim that living real time M/s is their dream, they fail to realize what that entails. If one is open to dwelling in the extreme, one better be prepared for what that is like. Sadly, few do.

A true M/s relationship means that the Master (or Mistress) is to be obeyed at all times. There is no limit to what one is willing to do. There is debate within the lifestyle of whether there is such a thing as hard limits or not. For practicality sake, I am going to omit this argument and presume there are some hard limits. However, they exist, in my mind, only as to the psychological damage they can cause. In the end, physical pain and lack of interest do not qualify as a hard limits.

Are you willing to do whatever you are told? Again, this is the foundation of M/s. Will you obey the directives of the one you submit to without question? Are you willing to suffer the consequences as a result of being disobedient? Can you be trusted to respect the tenets of this relationship while living under his or her domain?

Here are some of the actual directions I have heard given to a slave over the years:

-having sex with animals
-piecing oneself
-being branded
-sexually satisfying a homeless guy(s)
-being ignored for weeks on end
-eating shit/drinking piss
-engaging in suspension
-not cumming for over a year
-sleeping in a cage or on the floor
-living like a dog (or pony)
-having to give up your career/job
-all possessions given up including children
-exposing yourself on demand regardless of where and whom is around
-being passed around sexually for the pleasure of others
-watching your Master or Mistress with others
-Being humiliated in public
-Getting embarrassing tattoos
-Engaging in homosexual sex acts when you are straight
-physical pain include cbt, titty torture, whippings, and paddlings
-Partaking in electrical, needle, and medical play

All these activities were actually directed at a slave. Could you fulfill these if asked? Are you sitting there stating "No, I would never do that"? If so, you might want to look at the choices you make. The M/s lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. It is considered extreme for a reason.

The comeback I often hear is that "I will not get with someone who is into those things". My reply is simply "that is not your choice". A Master (Mistress) is in complete control. Whatever he or she desires is your course of action. Over time, that person can evolve and develop whatever interests he or she chooses. Are you ready to accept what they are? I surmise that most "online slaves" are ill-prepared for this reality.

BDSM is not a romantic fairy-tale. It is the lifestyle answer for many of us. However, people will get into trouble when they try to make it into something it is not. The story of Cinderella was already written. BDSM relationships might have the romantic component. Then again, they might not. It is up to the Master (Mistress) to decide.

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