December 13, 2009

The Mindset of a Submissive

The mindset that each party has in an M/s relationship is one of the most crucial factors for success. However, I see little discussed online about this critical idea. It seems that many focus on the actions as opposed the mindset one has. This often leads to confusion and frustration.

What is the proper mindset of a slave? This is a question that is almost impossible to answer completely since there are individual factors which always come into play. Since relationships are personal to those involved, it is difficult to offer a list of what is required for success. Ultimately, that is up to the two parties (or more if the situation is poly).

Nevertheless, I can offer some of my beliefs in this area. To start, a slave needs to have the idea of service drilled into his or her being. A slave's place is to serve the Master/Mistress. That is one of the most basic tenets of the M/s world. Service is the idea of making one's life easier. It is a slave's position to handle whatever responsibilities that is thrown his or her way.

Another mindset quality that I feel is necessary is complete obedience. I use the word complete because many seem to feel this is a negotiable issue. Many (if not most) will attempt to engage in manipulation in an effort to "get their way". This is not obedience. Obedience is doing what you are told without question. This is another fundamental difference between BDSM and the traditional world. The total exchange of power means that all decision-making is with the one in charge. Disputing those choices is not a slave's place.

Acceptance is another trait that needs to be developed. There are going to be many times when a Master/Mistress's decisions go contrary to what one desires. This is the way it is. A slave needs to accept that decision while obediently following it. I see too many who take the action yet have offer an attitude that would kill a bear. Everyone within a thousand yards knows exactly how he or she feels. This is intolerable and potentially embarrassing to a Master/Mistress.

Patience is something else that I believe every slave needs. There are many times when a Master/Mistress is off on other affairs. Whether it is work or play, dominant types often can have many areas of responsibility. This is something that a slave needs to accept. The timing of things is another area which is determined by the one in charge. The role of a slave is often to wait until the Master/Mistress is ready for him or her.

Another factor I feel is crucial is emotional independence. I see many who come to BDSM without the emotional maturity to handle reality. This is one of the major areas where real time differs from online. Those who believe online is reality tend to be unprepared for what transpires when they make the transition. Putting one's faith in fantasy is a form of psychosis that tends to receive professional help. For example, we institutionalize those who believe in purple elephants. Sadly, they are as real as many online people. A slave needs to have the inner strength to handle the different emotions that one goes through when living in M/s.

Part two will offer up some other ideas for the successful mindset of a slave.

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Anonymous said...

I am posting this even though this is SUCH an old blog. I would like to talk more on this issue. I am a submissive. For real. Not just playing. I just wonder if any other subs look for this stuff online anymore or actually, if any of the REAL ones actually exist anymore. I do not have trouble with my Master. The problems I encounter exist in the world around me. At work mostly. I wonder if any other subs have trouble with this as well. Trouble with passive aggressive bosses or Chicken "shit" * (sorry) management,


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