December 20, 2009

Aftercare Part II

The other day I wrote about the importance of Aftercare as a part of the BDSM lifestyle that does not get enough attention. (Read post here) Aftercare is a topic that receives little attention but is crucial in dealing with the long-term psychology of a submissive.

Basically, Aftercare is exactly what it states. It is the care that a dominant gives to a submissive after a scene. This is an important step to ensure the safe "return" from the extreme that some submissive types can go to. Obviously, the more intense the scene, the more vital that Aftercare is.

Some of the aspects of Aftercare are: dressing wounds, removing accessories used during scene, circulating blood throughout the body especially to areas that were bound, and emotional support through dedicated interaction. For a more specific list, please read the previous post.

One thing that I failed to mention is the times that Aftercare is needed. Obviously, the default answer is that this is something that should always be done. Nevertheless, here are some times when it is imperative that Aftercare be given.

-When a new person is in the scene
-Interrupted scenes where there was a psychological break
-Highly charged scenes in terms of emotion or physical interaction
-Whenever a submissive had a "flashback"
-Excessive abuse whereby a safe word was overlooked
-Scenes with excessive humiliation especially if others are involved since this can take a toll on the sub's self esteem.

Whenever a scene moves into an "extreme" area, it is best to provide Aftercare. This will ensure the confidence of the sub/slave while enhancing the long-term viability of the BDSM lifestyle. Omitting this step often leads to one leaving this way of life since they end up feeling abused. Aftercare is the bridge from the scene back to everyday reality.

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pluis said...

I wonder what your view is in regard to aftercare provided by the sub/ slave for the Dom.

It is my opinion (as a switch) that intense sessions or scenes can have repercussions for the sub, but also for the Dom. In that case, I think not only should the Dom take care of the submissive partner, but should the submissive partner also care for the Dom. I find that I sometimes need to hear from the sub that they enjoyed what I did to them (or at least that they found in it something that they consider worthwhile) and that they feel safe and well cared for.

If I do not allow a sub to provide me with aftercare, like I will do for them, I sometimes experience a rebound, where I am unable to enjoy the scene and take pleasure from it, even if I did so at the time.

For this aftercare, I don't feel it is necessary to leave the Power Exchange behind, so it can take place in a lifestyle relationship as well as in more casual contact. I just feel that it is sometimes necessary to have the sub confirm to me that the intentions I had for them for the specific scene or session came across, and were well received.

It would be nice if you could write about this, at some point.

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