July 18, 2009

Sir versus Master

The proper way to address One seems to cause confusion among many new people. I know there are different philosophies based upon individual preference and background. However, I see a general trend which seems to encompass most disciplines.

Respect for One in the position of dominance is a central part of the lifestyle. This is true for the sub who is being dominated during a scene and for a slave living in a 24/7 real time arrangement. The respect that one shows for his/her Dom/Master is obvious to all.

I notice the confusion arise when one interacts with other Doms/Masters. In the BDSM world, the position of a Dom or Master commands respect. It is similar to the office of the President; you might not respect the man but you better respect the office. Here, you might not feel to thrilled about the particular individual but his/her position of dominance is worthy of respect. That is one of the central tenets to the BDSM life.

My philosophy is simple: if I own you, you call me Master. Only those who have submitted to me are able to call me that. Anyone else who is a sub or a slave addresses me as Sir. By the same token, whenever my slaves interact with anther Dom/Master, they address that person as Sir (or Madam/Ma'am if a female). This is a simple way to maintain the proper respect without crossing boundaries.

I know there are some disciplines (mostly online) that have all Masters called just that. To me this shows the disconnect from reality. Anyone who has attended a munch will know how ineffective this is when there are 20-30 people in the same room. It would be like attending a party where everyone was named Dave. Communication would be impossible.

The other aspect of this is that a Master is a personal thing. It is like someone's husband or wife. Do married people go to other married people and call them hubby? Obviously not. The same idea applies here. Master is appropriate if one is owned by Him, otherwise Sir is the address to be used.

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Anonymous said...

Interesting, personal choice and I think, a solid, lesson in etiquette in social situations. And I appreciate your eloquent presentation!

You guys are lucky: Dom, Sir, Master all connote "Dominant male." Whereas in The Dominant Female realm, "Mistress, Goddess, Empress" (usually) connote a Dominant Female who does not switch, and "Lady" often indicates a Switch or a bottom to someone with whom She is in a Co-Dominant relationship with.

Evidently, remembering all that in today's culture of laziness is a lot of work. Far too many people no longer adhere to the protocols of days gone by - and don't even bother to learn anything about them. This saddens Me. Rituals and Protocols are a significant part of what makes The Lifestyle & Scene special.

I feel that whatever title One prefers should be what others call You. This is why I play it safe by asking, "What would you like to be called?" And I ask everyone - Dominant and submissive - and introduce them to others accordingly.

Personally, I'd like to be called, "Supreme Goddess Queen of The Universe," but that will just take too long... LOL!

Anonymous said...

If someone introduces themself as sir, but then you form a relationship, is it okay to still call them sir, or would they then be master


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