Sir versus Master

The proper way to address One seems to cause confusion among many new people. I know there are different philosophies based upon individual preference and background. However, I see a general trend which seems to encompass most disciplines.

Respect for One in the position of dominance is a central part of the lifestyle. This is true for the sub who is being dominated during a scene and for a slave living in a 24/7 real time arrangement. The respect that one shows for his/her Dom/Master is obvious to all.

I notice the confusion arise when one interacts with other Doms/Masters. In the BDSM world, the position of a Dom or Master commands respect. It is similar to the office of the President; you might not respect the man but you better respect the office. Here, you might not feel to thrilled about the particular individual but his/her position of dominance is worthy of respect. That is one of the central tenets to the BDSM life.

My philosophy is simple: if I own you, you call me Master. Only those who have submitted to me are able to call me that. Anyone else who is a sub or a slave addresses me as Sir. By the same token, whenever my slaves interact with anther Dom/Master, they address that person as Sir (or Madam/Ma'am if a female). This is a simple way to maintain the proper respect without crossing boundaries.

I know there are some disciplines (mostly online) that have all Masters called just that. To me this shows the disconnect from reality. Anyone who has attended a munch will know how ineffective this is when there are 20-30 people in the same room. It would be like attending a party where everyone was named Dave. Communication would be impossible.

The other aspect of this is that a Master is a personal thing. It is like someone's husband or wife. Do married people go to other married people and call them hubby? Obviously not. The same idea applies here. Master is appropriate if one is owned by Him, otherwise Sir is the address to be used.

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A Small Community

Local BDSM is a small community. You will realize this after being in the lifestyle for only a short while. Many seem to think that there is an expansive world they are about to encounter. The truth is that local BDSM groups tend to be small.

Many who are involved in this way of life also participate in swinging or group sex in some capacity. I find it interesting how I can come across the same people no matter what circle I am interacting with. Before going any further, the area I live in has over 500,000 people residing in it. Thus, it is not a "small town".

While it is refreshing to know people when you meet up with them, it is also thrilling to encounter new people. Sadly, this does not happen a lot. Many who are interested in this lifestyle begin by researching online. This allows them to get some basis before moving into a real time scenario. The next step might be to submit to someone online to get the virtual interaction going. Finally, the two will meet and decide where to take the relationship at that point.

Munches and other meet and greets can be a lot of fun. They can also be clickish and full of wannabes. There are a lot of pretenders out there. Unfortunately, munches are where many can end up. So one should be careful when new.

People who are truly in the lifestyle will keep reappearing. No matter how big the area, the BDSM community tends to be small. Those who genuinely live this way of life do so. Therefore, they will be around after 6 or 9 months. The pretenders will drift away after a short while. Stick with the familiar faces, they are the ones who are true to this way of life.

It is helpful to interact with any new faces that you encounter. However, it is best to remember that the original "friends" may turn out to be the only genuine ones you meet.

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