August 29, 2010

A Team

Today I am going to explore a topic that is not often mentioned when it comes to a BDSM (specifically M/s) relationship. Few ever mention the idea that a successful M/s relationship operates as a team. Most want to concentrate on the power exchange and the fact that the power lies in the hands of one person. However, there is another side to this equation.

Yin and Yang

The far eastern disciplines have the "Yin and Yang" as centerpieces to their belief systems. This concept basically states that it takes both sides for completeness. One cannot be truly fulfilled unless both parts are there. It is similar to the fact that it takes both a male and a female to reproduce. Without both parties, a child will not result.

In a M/s relationship, there needs to be a dominate as well as a submissive one. The tendency is to believe that the dominant one is the more important person in the relationship. This simply is not true. Instead, in keeping with yin/yang, both parties are equally needed for a successful relationship. It is impossible for a Master to dominate unless someone opts to submit to him. By the same token, a submissive is not dominated without someone accepting that submission. Both people are required.

A Team

Few ever mention the team concept but I feel that it is valid in this particular situation. The M/s relationship is one of extreme power breakdown. By that I mean that the power is not shared among the parties. Traditional relationships tend to gravitate towards a balance of power. The totality of the relationship is a partnership.

The M/s relationship is a form of a partnership in the sense that both people are dependent upon the other for success. However, because of the power structure, one person is responsible for the direction of the relationship. This is similar to a leader in the business environment. A CEO, for example, is responsible for the direction of the company. The achievement of the goals will depend upon the efforts of all involved. Failure on the part of the workers leads to failure.

A slave plays an important role in the M/s relationship. She is the one who is needed to achieve the relationship goals as set down by the Master. Each person works with the other to move forward in a common direction. They are a team looking to reach the ultimate ends as set out by the Master.

Over time, a good Master will come to depend upon his slave. This is a natural progression as trust and faith between the two parties grows. However, a slave also needs to ensure she is focusing on growing and doing those things which will provide her the ability to fulfill that responsibility. Many newer people seem to feel that it is a slave's place to sit back and await orders. Sadly, this will cause a breakdown for the team.

If you look at the M/s relationship as a team and the members working towards common goals, I believe you will experience more success. Too many look at these situations as two individuals trying to find someone to fill what is empty within them. My experience is these type of people are destined for unhappiness. A successful relationship is built upon each person giving what they can to the relationship. Both Masters and slaves are responsible for the success/failure of the relationship. It takes a team to succeed.

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Alujna on August 30, 2010 at 9:55 PM said...

yes balance is everything in life!


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