August 14, 2010

Submitting To The Right Person

This topic is going to be a bit of a challenge since it is impossible to spell out every detail that one needs to get right. Relationships are about people and the interaction of those involved. Since no two people are identical, it is safe to say that no two relationships are either. That being said, I do feel there are some basics that apply to most of the situations in this life.


We all know that submission is an extremely important part of the BDSM process. In this life, when one finds someone suitable, he or she submits the power over to that person. The power exchange is a fundamental part of this way of life. It can be said that the submission process is what starts the ball rolling. Of course, there needs to be someone there to accept this submission.

This is where many make the mistake. I am going to leave aside those who would submit to a tree. These people we see on many of the sites by simply stating they are seeking someone to give themselves to...NOW. I believe they are only seeking anyone with a heartbeat (if they arent running a scam). Instead, what I am referring to is those people who are honestly desiring to submit to someone who will fulfill their needs. Their intention is worthy but their process seems lacking.

The Ability To Accept

The right person to submit to is one who has the ability to accept your submission. This might seem like common sense but it is a part of the process that many get wrong. Stick around this life and you will see how often common sense is removed from the picture.

I come across so many who are clear in their thinking and desires yet try to impose that on another person. This most commonly occurs when one person within a relationship finds this way of life and then wants his/her partner to join in. I cannot tell you how many submissives I encountered who want their husbands (wife in one instance) to be their Doms or Masters. My response is always the same: if he wanted to do that he would have done that a while ago. Believe it or not, there are a lot of men who prefer to have an equally based marriage in terms of power. Some simply like having a "life partner" and aren't interested in a sub or slave.

Therefore, it is important to ensure that the person you are dealing with is capable of providing what you are seeking. Too often people try to protect their wants onto another person. This creates frustration in those instances where the other person is incapable of fulfilling those tasks. Some are not cut out to be 24/7 Masters. They lack the desire, background, and yen for the responsibility.

We also see a similar situation arise when one is seeking a Master but is dealing with someone who simply wants to do some domination. I was chatting with someone who mentioned to me that she could not be a part time submissive. That is a statement I tend to agree with. I am not sure anyone can. This is magnified if one has the inclination to live as a slave. I believe there is no such thing as a part time slave. One either is or is not.

Now, what happens to our submissive if he or she is dealing with someone who only wants to "play" around with domination. There are many who feel this is nothing more than a role-playing aspect to their life. When this occurs, we have a major disconnect between the two people. Ultimately, in my experience, things do not work out in the long run.

The Right Person

Submitting to the right person entails more than just finding someone that you like. There are many facets to this life that one needs to explore. Just because two people are on a site and enjoy BDSM does not mean that their kinks will line up. At the same time, the degree to which parties enter into the power exchange agreement could vary drastically. One who is seeking 24/7 will be unhappy with a play partner (in the long run). The same is true for those who seek something light and run across a full blown Master/Mistress. This person is too extreme for the play seeker.

Consider this idea when you are interacting with another. Does the person you are seeking to fulfill your BDSM desires have what it takes. Control and domination is not something that comes easy to many people. Society conditions us to believe and act according to equality. This mindset goes counteractive to what it takes to dominate. The conditioning can be so deep that many never get past it. This is the wrong person to be dealing with if you want to live as a slave. Unhappiness is the only result. Be mindful of this concept in all that you do.

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