August 3, 2010

Self Esteem II

In the previous post I wrote about a slave's self esteem and how one who has a low self worth really needs to address that before getting into a BDSM relationship. It is rather difficult for a Dom/Master to deal with a person who is always feeling unworthy. There is only so much propping up another can do. Ultimately, it rests on the individual to feel good about him or herself.

The "I Never Do Anything Right" Syndrome

We all have seen this over the years. Many with low self esteem behave in manners that exemplify it. Usually, their vocabulary matches this mindset. Whenever anything goes wrong, it is blown way out of proportion. The person behaves in a manner that leads one to believe he or she thought everything was going to fail.

You will often hear the line "I never do anything right". This is a surefire sign that one is lacking in personal self worth. To start, everyone does something right. Here is an example of the exaggeration that people engage in. Just because something went wrong, that does not mean the person is worthless. Yet, one in this mindset automatically jumps to this conclusion.

Mistakes are a part of life. However, many fail to see that. This is magnified is a Dom/Master is unwilling to accept that about a submissive person. Many will take the approach that every mistake needs punishing. Not true. Mistakes are a part of the learning process and should be accepted by both parties. They are not a sign of worthlessness.

The "I Am The Best" Syndrome

This is rarely articulated in these words but is always a sign of low self esteem. We all met the person who is super cocky. He or she is consistently bragging about all that he/she accomplished. No matter what the situation, this person needs to turn the attention towards him or her.

We all do things well. There are times when we are proud of our accomplishments. However, that does not mean we need to tell everyone about them. A sign of insecurity is looking for acceptance from others. One who is continually telling all how wonderful he or she is reveals exactly how he or she thinks. Cockiness is a sign of low self esteem.

As mentioned, it rarely is articulated in so many words. Nevertheless, there are signs that appear. For example, have you ever met the person who can do everything? This person will never state "I dont know". He or she has an answer no matter what the question.

The reason why this is an indicator of an esteem problem is because this person will not allow him or herself to be viewed as not being capable. It takes strength to tell another person you do not know something or cant do something. Society teaches that we can do anything if we will set our minds to it. Sadly, that is not correct. There are a lot of things that I cannot do because either I havent tried or I lack the skill set necessary. However, many people's esteem will not allow them to make these claims.

Braggarts come in many forms but they all reveal the same thing. A worthy person doesnt tell you how great he or she is. Instead, that person is too busy showing you. A slave who is continually telling you how terrific he or she is at this lifestyle is offering up a warning sign. Check further for esteem issues. I can almost guarantee they exist.

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