August 23, 2010

What Does Being A Slave Really Mean?

I am going to try and burst some bubbles with what I write here. I see too many who want to take a polyanna approach to this life while proclaiming to want to live as a slave. The truth is they have no clue. Being a slave is extreme in every sense of the word. Until one understand this, he or she is living a fantasy.

Your Life Is Not Yours

Consider this statement for a moment: your life is not yours. Living in a M/s relationship means that you give all power and choices over to another. This is the fundamental premise of this type of arrangement. Equality is nowhere in the equation. You life exists only to serve at his/her pleasure. Nothing about you is within your realm. Everything is at the discretion of another.

Many will say "this is exactly what I am seeking". Is it really? Are you ready to do all that you are instructed regardless of how much it turns your stomach? I found that most are not.

The simple truth is that few can exist in this type of relationship. Slavery is a tough way to live. One has no say in anything that occurs. Tremendous self discipline is required to succeed. One needs to be self confident to behave in a manner that the Master desires. It certainly is not for the weak.

Get Over Sex

Here is where many get zapped. Your M/s relationship is not about sex. Get over the polyanna ideas that you are going to live as a 24/7 fuckpiece. Sex, as most find out, is but a small part of your servitude. Your role is to serve him/her mentally, physically, and emotionally in addition to sexually. M/s is about pleasing the Master (Mistress) and not you. Sex is only a part of the equation if and when he/she desires that. Your desires are not important.

The Internet glorifies the sexual aspect of this life. Every image promotes people being tied up in all kinds of positions and used in many kinky ways. Sadly, this is a misrepresentation of the M/s life. A slave does not often serve in this capacity. Instead, her days are filled with cooking, cleaning, washing, and all the other tasks that the Master requires. We never see images of her pushing around the vacuum cleaner but that is more representative of what the life is.

Negative Connotation

"Slavery" has a negative connotation among people for a reason. It is not a path that is easy. Most who lived this way, traditionally, were forced into it. However, just because we choose to be consensual doesn't mean that it is less strenuous. Everything about you is owned by another.

Your likes are disregarded. What you want is of no consequence whatsoever. The only thing that matters is how you serve the one who is in charge. Property is often the term used to describe a slave. Your sole purpose is to please him.

Are you ready to give up all you like and live in this manner? Anything you have or can do is with permission. You have no rights after he/she meets the basic needs. The clothes you wear are on loan to you. If he/she prefers you naked, that is how it is to be. This sounds sexy and erotic to many until you consider that this can happen in front of your family at Thanksgiving dinner. There are not limitations upon you fulfilling what he wants.

Wants Versus Needs

Few have any idea what the difference is with these. Most of society is conditioned into believing that their wants are actually needs. "I need a big screen television". "I need a new car". "I need a bigger house". These are not needs; they are wants. A slave must understand that a Master is only responsible for providing needs. This includes food, clothing for protection, and shelter. That is it. Everything else falls into a want category.

If you do not believe me, consider all that you have. My question is "will you die if you do not have it"? While you might mistakenly think so, the truth is that outside of what was mentioned, you will not. Thus, everything you see before you is a want. And, if you enter M/s, there is a chance that it all will be removed from you. Are you ready for this?

"Yes, Sir"

This is to be your favorite saying (or Yes Master). "No" is not part of your vocabulary. While love is the main factor in a traditional relationship, I feel that obedience is the main factor in M/s. A slave who is disobedient is not worthy of a Masters domination. Again, this is not a life for everyone. Few can live in this manner.

Some Masters will allow a slave to interact with him/her on an equal basis at certain times and in appropriate manner. This is where self discipline enters the picture. There are many times where a slave needs to keep his/her mouth shut and accept what is being directed. "Yes Sir" (Ma'am) is the only appropriate response.

Being sassy is not cute. Many feel that being a wiseass is a way to a Master's heart. Grow up. The online community might put up with this nonsense but a true Master will not. He is not in this lifestyle to play games. Nor is it expected that you will make his/her life more difficult. A slave is owned to make one's life easier. Continually fighting with a smartaleck slave is a waste of time. That is a surefire path to release.

Being A Dumbass

I see so many who write in their profiles "I am not a doormat". This tells me these people are not accustom to dealing with a real Master. Nobody wants a doormat. A slave that falls into this category is of no use to me. I dont need a dumbass walking around my house with no clue what is going on.

A slave needs to watch, learn, and monitor what is pleasing to the Master. Nothing is more frustrating than dealing with someone who continually needs to be told what to do every moment of the day. A slave needs to learn what is expected and to assume control of the actions a Master wants completed.

Sadly, few I encounter online are able to live like this. The ones who are stating they are not doormats tend to show themselves to be total dumbasses. They want to approach this way without the maturity necessary to succeed in a M/s relationship. Often I need to check to see if I am on an adult site or the Cartoon Network. Seriously, so many want to behave like children.

It's A Wonderful Life

M/s is a wonderful way to live life if you are one who truly desires it. However, I will state that one needs to have his/her eyes open as to what it is all about. The Internet does a poor job of realistically promoting the life. Instead, it portrays things in a manner that magnifies the lie many are operating under. If you want to be a sex slave, go sell your body on the street corner and give the money to a pimp (or mafioso) because that is what real sex slaves do. Get over the mindset that you are going to live the "pornstar" life.

If you are one who wants to serve, then M/s could be your calling. Of course, before entering into any type of arrangement, I would stress that you get clear about what you want. This is not for the faint of heart. Having someone take care of all your needs and make the tough decisions holds great appeal. Nevertheless, it is not without a price. You will be expected to fulfill your part of the equation. Obedience is your new keyword. If you can accept and go along with all that is set before you, then you have a chance. Just remember, your consent, once you submit, is not required. He/she is free to use you in any manner. "No" is removed.

Is this is life that you really want?

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cassie on August 24, 2010 at 4:13 AM said...

Dear Mr. Najee,

thank you for this post describing what slavery really is. Thank you for describing my reality.

with respect, cassie

Dennis Harting on August 25, 2010 at 6:02 PM said...

You are welcome cassie. Thank you for your comments and the reading of the site.

Anonymous said...

I was looking for self-help blogs and little tips here and there to deal with depression as a newly released slave- I was informed that I did not understand the behaviors and mental state of a slave. I have struggled to come to understand the anger and betrayal I've felt, the emptiness that has filled my life. This article and many others are slowly opening my eyes to a reality I have shied away from in the past: M/s is not for everyone, no matter how hard you try to force yourself, its a personality and mental state that consumes your very being. Thank you.


Anonymous said...

Thank you so much, I was this close to getting myself into deep trouble. Now I do have a clear idea of what the big picture is and I know for sure I'm not cut for it. Thanks for spearing me the pain of being released!

Anonymous said...

Im leaveing my life to be with my Master 800 miles from everything ive ever known strictly to provide him the lost and attention he deserves. this was beautifully written and makes me that much more excited about being lucky enough to enter this lifestyle
best wishes

Anonymous said...

Your article was very well written and couldn't be more accurate I wish someone would write something similar for ex slaves

maria valdez on December 9, 2015 at 11:26 AM said...

I have a question, can a master who has always had slaves be with a submissive . I know i am not strong , disciplined or have that kind of self control to be a slave. I am under consideration to Sir , he has always had slaves , i feel like he has a master mentality , doesn't realize he is set in that mode only . How can i help him understand .

Darkangel261978 on January 25, 2016 at 11:53 PM said...

I'm curious does love come into your relationship or is only about service and obedience?

Anonymous said...

Well i might appear to become a slave one day.. But fate lead me to a hypnotist, who i grew to love. He also loves me, and i know by his words and so he wants to be with me.
It can come into your relationship, and it might/might not change a few things. It depends on the master/mistress.

You see, he loves me, and i love him. But he also requires me to say "Yes Master" when i reply to his questions, but not always. It is balanced, love is a part but not all. It will only be one more thing considerated, but i might be partly wrong.

I really hope this helped you, if i could be of assistance to you.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes struggle to be a slave, and I wonder why. When Sir and I are out, my natural instinct is not to be super submissive or slave-like at all. I act without thinking, like talk directly to the waiter when he doesn't want me to. I can also go into work/school mode, (doing homework) where its hard to remember to do the things he wants. I have ADHD which complicates things, because I forget things a lot. I take medications but it doesn't solve everything. Master says I lose focus, especially losing focus on him, which isn't really where a slave should be. But my focus is never always on the same thing, thats not how my brain works. If I'm doing homework, there is nothing else in my world,just like when I am with him, there is nothing else in my world. But if I forget to do the dishes because I'm trying to finish a project by deadline and spending all my time rushing to finish it, Sir says I lose focus. And that I lose focus on slavery. So he is unhappy. I try not to do this but can't seem to help it.

Does that mean I shouldn't even try to be a slave? I feel very frustrated. I want the strictness and structure of a slave life, I want to feel the control, but its like, unless Sir is constantly punishing me (which I am ok with and he seems less ok with) I have trouble doing what I want to do. I don't want to be broken, though sometimes I think if he wanted to break me I would agree to it, if it pleased him, if it meant I could be better for him. But Master is too nervous to do that with me anyway because I have suffered from depression in the past, even at times been suicidal. He is afraid breaking me will cause me problems, plus he really does like certain aspects of my personality.

Is it possible to be a good slave without being broken? Should I just give up because I am not born with a personality that is naturally dependent? Sir has said, a person who is meant to be a slave often struggles to be independent, or to make decisions, outside in their normal life. Maybe they look normal to everyone else, but inside they can't relax and have to pretend with everyone else. But they naturally just fall into the role of slave when they are allowed to. Thats not me, I feel like I have to struggle to do this...

Outside of times when I am with my Sir,I am often a leader, starting up organizations, etc. I'm outspoken, opinionated, sometimes argumentative, and not afraid to say what I think. These things come naturally to me, I don't have to fight myself or society to do them. Does that mean I shouldn't be a slave?

I want to be a slave because I love the structure and I get off on the control. Because, due to my ADHD, in a vanilla relationship I would probably just about never do chores, but I'm expected to in M/s. I like that. Also, I think, I'm naturally a very selfish person, but when I am with Sir, I can let that go, and it gives me the opportunity to be unselfish. I also feel like I am bonding more with him.

It really really doesn't help that I have never been in a D/s relationship (well Sir says we often fall into D/s patterns but he is unhappy with this and wants M/s). But all the vanilla relationships I have had have been unsatisfactory. This one, is the only one I have ever actually wanted to be in, (others I stayed in it because it was expected of me to date but emotionally it didn't matter much to me). I like it when he gets more strict, but when I mess up too many times, Sir pulls back, he always does, and he is less strict. Its kind of depressing. I don't know what to do. Please help?

Anonymous said...

i've been in a M/s relationship for almost 6 mos. i wouldn't change much but i am having a hard time reading my Master's desires....sometimes i need permission for simple things like asking to use the bathroom or to simply leave his presence....but then he wants me to keep his drink full how can i do that? Do i ask permission to refill his drink or just refill it? Please respond i sometimes feel like i'm bothering him by asking but i know he requires me to ask....

Anonymous said...

The best advice I have for you is m/s isn't about breaking you and it's not about constant punishment. It's about serving. You need the desire to serve your Master. You need to ask before doing anything what will best serve my master in this moment. Dishes would come before homework. A clean home and chores need to be done before you get anything for yourself including school. Remember as a slave anything you get above basic needs including further education is because your master wants it. If you can not except the fact that you need to put your master's full needs including something you may find trivial like dishes before your own and only attend to your desires (wants) when your master allows it, then you are not ready to be a slave.

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