August 2, 2010

Self Esteem

I am going to focus this post on the submissive types. However,bear in mind that the concept applies to all people.

Self esteem is something that most people need some help with. For whatever reason, we live in a world where negative reinforcement is the norm. The average person has an unhealthy outlook about him or herself. This is evident in the way which people interact with each other. Anyone who is fairly adept at recognizing the signs will instantly see how most people have poor self esteem. When applied to the BDSM world, this is really evident.

Being A Doormat

As I surf the web reading different profiles, I see so many who write about not wanting a sub/slave who is a doormat. At the same time, there are those who post how they are not doormats. Reading this over and over got me wondering why people would post such a thing.

To start, I am not a believer that a sub/slave is a doormat. If a person enters into this lifestyle and acts in such a manner, he or she has no business living in this way. I feel it is best if he/she exit all relationships and seek to work on oneself. The only way one would allow him or herself to be treated as a doormat is if the personal self worth was in the toilet. A good slave doesn't view him or herself in this manner.

Personal pride is something that we all should have. It is healthy to be proud of the person that you are. Certainly we are all flawed. Nevertheless, being a submissive does not mean that one is less than. When compared to a dominant, one is simply different. Submission and domination are two opposite sides of a coin with each complimenting the other one. This is a point that many people miss.

A Healthy Sub

A healthy sub has a self worth that is in proper proportion. He or she will look at oneself as a worthy person. This is in contrast to the mindset of many of the "Doms/Masters" that are cruising the net looking for people to abuse. It is appropriate for a sub/slave to demand respect from others within the community regardless of their position. A sub/slave is not a whipping post for any dominant person in a chat room.

Of course, we all know the anything that we apply online is ten times as difficult to implement in real life. One can easily push aside the bards of the meatheads online. However, looking at oneself with honest worth is a more difficult manner. Many will allow their true lack of worth seep into their relationships with their Doms/Masters. This is where problems can arise.

Many want to look to the dominant one to provide that worth and esteem. If you are presently waiting for someone else to provide this to you, you will be waiting a long time. This concept holds true for all of society. We see people seeking to find their worth from parents, children, spouses, employers, co-workers, or friends. Each time we are witnessing an unhealthy person. The only true worth one can have is that which is derived from within. Being a slave is a worthy choice in life if you feel you are worthy yourself. Lack of worth means you will fail just like you did in all other areas of your life. Is it surprising that people enter this life looking for the magic cure of all that ails their lives? Without change, this route will net the same results.

Healthy Parts

There are many unhealthy relationships in the world. In fact, it could be said that the majority of those we encounter are sick to some degree. The reason I make this claim is because most people have worth issues, many of them glaring. When this occurs, you have one (if not two) components to a relationship in an unhealthy space. This leads to the logical result of an unhealthy relationship. The structure of the power exchange matters none in this regard. Basic mathematics dictates that two unhealthy pieces cannot equate to health.

A Dom/Master can help by offering positive reinforcement to the sub/slave. Often, we tend to dwell upon the negative. Accepting slaves as human beings is the first step in this process. They will make mistakes. There is nothing wrong with that. It is part of the learning process. Accept that mistakes will be made and you will have an easier time dealing with them when they occur. However, resist the temptation to provide all the worth to your sub/slave. In the end, much of it have to come from him or herself.

Being a healthy slave is looking at oneself in the proper light. We all have some worth to us. Choosing to follow an inner calling to serve doesnt make on less than. Remember this the next time you want to kick yourself for being who you are. Focus on the good that you provide and you will make your Dom/Master's life easier. There is nothing more difficult than dealing with a person who thinks he/she is absolutely worthless. In that instance, he/she is asking for something that no other person can provide. Self esteem is something that comes from within.

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