August 25, 2010

Social Ineptness

A square peg does not fit into a round hole. Two immature people will not carry on a mature relationship. And someone who is socially inept cannot succeed in BDSM any better than they could in the traditional world. This is a simply fact.

Look At Their Lives

Have you ever noticed many of the people who seem drawn to the BDSM life? Let's just say they are not exactly arriving to this way of life on a winning streak. Their lives are a total mess and, in short, failure was met at every turn. However, they encounter the power exchange philosophy and suddenly all problems are solved.

Of course, anyone who is around a short while knows this is sadly untrue. Many find the same problems within this life that existed outside of it. The BDSM relationship is still a relationship which means it requires the same skills necessary for success in other areas.

Interpersonal skills are something that many seem to lack. I believe part of this is due to living in the "age of the Internet". People do not know how to communicate anymore. Instead, their abilities revolve around typing into some type of electronic device.

Success leaves clues; and so does failure. I met people who were married 5 and 6 times. I often wondered if perhaps these people werent cut out for marriage. One or two divorces because you married the wrong person is highly possible. Above that and it is time to start looking at oneself.

Why do I mention all this? My reasoning is the character of a person shows through in all that he or she does. Whenever encountering someone new and trying to determine how they fit into the situation you are presently, take a look at the whole picture. If their life is a complete mess, the odds are that you will be added to the shit pile.

The Ability To Get Along With Others

Some many have issues here. Why cant people get along? I witnessed this a number of times with the people I was involved with. It is really sad to watch "adults" behave like children. Petty jealousies come out and people are vying for "what is theirs". Incredibly, this happens online as well as in person. People who dont even know each other, live on opposites sides of the planet, will get into heated arguments with characters and a font on a screen. They cannot even interact with someone in the virtual world.

Why cant people get along? Often, it is because they take everything personally. Thin-skinned is an epidemic among most of the population. This often leads to rudeness and character assassination. Carry this out a number of decades to see how these people end up lonely and jaded. If you doubt this, visit a nursing home to see some of these types of people. It is really sad.


Many people are simply self-absorbed. They cannot see others around them because they are too focused upon themselves. This is another epidemic and one that is proven by watching the driving habits of some people. It is common for one to cut another off so bad that an accident is almost the result yet the perpetrator has no clue what happened. This is taking this concept to a dangerous level.

Being involved in the poly world, I see these same traits exemplified on a routine basis. My experience is that V arrangements are the preferred route since triads are so hard to establish. People simply cannot get along with each other. Instead, cat fights arise over the most minor issues. This leaves the poly one (the Dom/Master) left to sort things out. Talk about being in the middle of two opposing forces. Each side has its own agenda which ironically doesnt match up at all with what the other wants. Incidentally, it seems that the needs and wishes of the Dom/Master are the last things considered. Putting his happiness forth is easy to say but so much harder to do.

In the end, many want to play Mother Hen. They are happy and obedient when they are able to boss others around. However, have another come in who "invades" her turf and watch out. Everything mentioned in this article will come to fruition. The lack of ability for people to be able to interact like adults means that everyone loses. Relationships are regularly destroyed because of social ineptness.

Remember, BDSM is not a cure for all that ails you. It is not the magical elixir that will soothe all the wrongs that you or others committed in life. Do not believe that this is the missing link that will suddenly make your life successful. BDSM is simply a way that we choose to structure our relationships and lives. The key thing to keep in the forefront of your mind is that we deal with all the same issues as everyone else. If you are one who is unable to handle life situations such as death, illness, finances, and responsibility, then entering into a BDSM relationship will only add to your misery. I might suggest that you seek to develop your interpersonal skills before going into this direction.

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