September 25, 2008

Knowing Your Place

Many to relish the idea of submission. It is an ideal fantasy. I see this commonly among those who are being trained online. While I like the benefits of the Internet and what it does for our lifestyle, it also has led many to believe that is reality. Real world is substantially different than online. Anyone who lived as a sub for even a few days realizes this.

A sub's answer is "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Ma'am". The BDSM world is one that centers around an exchange of power. In the Master/slave, it is a total exchange. At the same time, the D/s relationship has a complete exchange of power in those areas that are agreed upon. Regardless of the makeup, this premise is the focal point of the relationship. In fact, it is what separates it from traditional relationships.

It is common for a sub to forget his/her place. Societal training leads us to the point where we are taught to be self sufficient and that we have a say. A sub cedes this in BDSM. It is not his or her place to say anything. The Dom/Master is the one in control. It is the responsibility of a sub to obey.

This situation always brings up the point of hard limits. Do they really exist and, if so, what are they? Obviously, there needs to be some limits which are non-negotiable. Anything that involves children is naturally off limits. The same goes for abuse. While many subs enjoy pain, there is no need to beat him or her to the point of needing medical attention. This is a limit that One should not get to. These are a couple of examples of hard limits.

Notice that each of those limits is basically a societal/human decency item. We do not promote the use of violence or death. This is in line with what society believes. However, to me, that is the extent of hard limits. A sub, once submitted, agrees to follow the dictates of the Dom/Master. This is non-negotiable. "No" is not in the vocabulary. It is really disappointing when a sub believes that he/she has a say in what transpires. Too many believe they still have the right to say "No".

I will acknowledge that this lifestyle is completely voluntary. Nobody can be forced into it (society disagrees with that also). However, once someone agrees to the premise of our life, it is time to adhere to the proper protocol. This is determined by the ground rules established by the One in charge. To do anything different strikes at the foundation of what this life is all about.

My feeling is that if you want to retain control, stay in the traditional arena. Many are attracted to some aspect of the BDSM world while not really belonging. Again, it is more of a fantasy to them. Sadly, misinformation is often one of the main culprits. They are mislead into believing that BDSM is a life where all is merry. Life is still life. This is something that nobody can avoid. Adding the pressure of keeping a Dom/Master happy often becomes too much. The fantasy quickly turns into a nightmare. Consider this before delving into it. Many will expect you to know your place.

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