September 28, 2008

Dealing With Personalities

This can be a Dom/Master's biggest challenge. Every person has a different personality. This creates an interesting situation when multiple subs/slaves are involved. The One who is dealing with these individuals needs to be flexible in His or Her approach. Unfortunately, there is not a "one size fits all" for dealing with different personalities.

I witness Many who prefer to believe that there is only one way to deal with subs. This is incorrect. A sub/slave enters into a relationship with many different experiences. These all need to be taken into consideration when interacting with each one. Failure to do so can cause irreversible harm to that person.

Past abuse is certainly a common area that needs attention. Many (women especially) were abused sexually. This is not something that is only within the BDSM community but, rather, society in general. Some are fortunate enough to get the counseling needed to overcome these experiences. However, the vast percentage do not. This is something a Dom/Master should consider when interacting with this individual. For example, I had one who suffered abuse from her father as a child. With her, the use of blindfolds was out since she would go back to that time whenever she could not see. It was an adjustment I made to keep her in the present moment during our scenes together.

Another aspect that needs to be examined is the experience level of the one that is involved. Obviously, my approach will change when dealing with someone who lived in the lifestyle versus someone new. I have different expectations based upon the experience. At the same time, depending upon the treatment of her past Doms/Masters, I might have to undo a lot of misinformation. There are so many people pretending to be in this lifestyle who end up abusing another. A good Dom/Master will delve into one's past to see how she was treated.

The final item that I will mention is regarding self esteem. Again, I do not believe the percentage in any different in the BDSM world compared to society at large, but many You will deal with have low self worth. Most people grow up be programmed to believe they are not good enough. This comes from parents, peers, religion, and teachers. Even when not intentional, many adults will transfer their own lack of esteem onto a child. The results are obvious. One needs to be mindful of this when dealing with a sub/slave. Choosing to submit is not a sign of weakness; rather strength. Anyone who is following his or her inner calling is one worthy of praise and admiration. One should focus attention on this fact on a regular basis.

There are an assortment of other ways that subs/slaves differ. Identifying the needs of each is a major responsibility of a Dom/Master. It is important to contour the training to matching these needs of each. If not, the relationship is usually doomed to fail. In my experience, the ones that succeed are those where the needs of one is fulfilled while his or her talents are used to maximum potential. Treat each as an individual will increase the chances of this occurring.

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