September 25, 2010

The Submission Process

I am going to clear up a common mindset fallacy that seem prevalent among newer people to this lifestyle. It is one that really can cause havoc whenever one enters into a BDSM relationship. Reading this might help you alleviate some problems.


Submission is a common part of the lifestyle. For a BDSM relationship to exist, one must submit to another. There can be no relationship without this occurring. However, this is not a one time deal.

Submission is something that is on-going. Instead of a one-time event, it is best to think of it as a process. This is an act that you will go through repeatedly.

The first submission is what most refer to. It is the time when one first decides that he or she is going 'to submit' to a Dom/Master. What this means in layman's terms is that a relationship is consummated. One interacts with another of dominant persuasion and there is some type of connection there. How long this takes varies but those who seek successful relationships will base their decisions on a number of different factors of compatibility. Of course, we are presuming these individuals are seeking some type of long-term relationship with each other as opposed to a flop-in-the-hay. Nevertheless, a decision is made to 'submit' to another.


This is component that all successful relationships require. Without trust, there is very little to build a relationship upon. Over time, couples find that the level of trust grows. A lot of this is a result of gaining familiarity and having common experiences with each other. Gaining the trust of another can only occur over time. It is something that is earned based upon one's actions. In the early stages of relationships we tend to give it freely. However, the level must grow or it will be removed.

Interaction helps to breed trust. That is why I am taken aback when I encounter people online who claim to 'trust my Master completely' after only knowing him for a few weeks. To me, this seems like an impossibility. Trust is bound by the same laws as within every other relationship. A power exchange scenario does not change this fact. Trust takes time.

What, then, happens when trust grows? Within the boundaries of of a BDSM relationship that means that one is willing to submit more. For example, in an M/s relationship, a slave is submitting her life over to a Master. She is trusting that he will take care of all that she needs. In return, she is providing him with all obedience and service that she is able muster. Both parties are agreeing to fulfill certain roles within the relationship. Her submission is 'complete' at this time.

But is it? Can one truly give of oneself without total trust? I do not believe it is possible. That is why submission to a Dom/Master is not a one time event. It is a process that is repeated regularly as trust grows. Every level of interaction creates a scenario where the trust between each increases. As this occurs, she is in a position to submit more and more of her life over. Even though she stated that is what she was doing at the initially, reality is that this process also takes time. True submission cannot occur without total trust.

Remember this the next time one asks you if you are ready to submit to him. Understand that it is not a one time process and that he will have to earn your trust if the relationship is ever to go deeper. For your submission to be complete and for him to have total control over you life, the level of trust between the two of you must be enormous. And that only occurs after interacting with each other over a long period of time.

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slave Forrest on September 26, 2010 at 9:53 AM said...

This is so very true. It has taken me 16 years to trust Master, but even more to trust and accept the submissiveness inside my heart.

Dennis Najee on September 27, 2010 at 2:32 PM said...

Congratulations on your process of submitting. I would say that if you were together for 16 years, you trusted him before that. What actually happened, in my opinion, is that your trust grew with time and went deeper. That is only natural.


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