September 10, 2010

Run The Other Way

I am going concentrate on the Dominant side of a D/s relationship in this post. My reason for writing this is simple: I see so many who profess to be dominant and in search of one to control yet such failures in their lives.

A Dominant One Needs To Have Something To Offer

This is a point that is overlooked by many. A D/s relationship is a two-way street. The submissive brings a lot to the table in terms of the service offered through the submission process. In turn, the dominant one compliments the submissive by controlling and dominating his/her life.

Nevertheless, to truly be effective the dominant needs to offer stability. I found that a sub's life is full of chaos. For whatever reason, on their own, submissive types tend to do poorly. I can only presume the need for guidance is greater in these individuals. Thus, when entering a D/s relationship, there usually is some wreckage that needs cleaning up. Perhaps this is just a sign of the times and people's ability to deal with life situations. Nevertheless, individuals of this sort often need help.

Cant Give What One Doesnt Have

This is a simple concept that also seems to elude people. One cannot provide that to another what he or she does not have. Before one can fulfill a particular role in a person's life, he or she must already posses those qualities/characteristics. In short, a dominant one needs to have his/her act together.

I see so many who are total messes trying to dominate another. What makes one submit to a person who is so obviously lacking in life skills? Hopefully this post will help some to resist the temptation to submit to a person of this nature and run the other way. No good can ever come out of the a situation like this.

To be an effective Dom/Dome, one must be able to provide support for the submissive person. Support means different things to each person. But, in general, a Dom/Domme is responsible for mental, emotional, financial, and psychological support to one who submits. Is the person you are dealing with capable of offering these things to you.

Look At The Rest of His/Her Life

I am always amazed at one who claims to be dominant yet that is nowhere to be found anywhere in that person's life. Thus, to determine how well suited one is for a life of control and domination you must look at the rest of his/her life. If you do not see the domination and success exemplified in other areas of life, then there is a great chance you are dealing with a person not suited to be your Dom/Domme.

Many intend on having their sub/slave provide financial means to the relationship. While this is often a necessity in this era of dual income requirements, there are times when one cannot provide in this manner to the relationship. In those times, it is up to the dominant one to step in and provide for the relationship. An example of this was when my slave first came to me. Because of a paperwork issue, she wasnt able to work for 8 months. Over that time, she had to serve me in a different capacity. I was the one who stepped and provided for her.

The same holds true for emotional support. There are many times when submissives need the strength of the dominant one. Life situations develop that can overwhelm a person. A dominant one might need to stand in and provide emotional strength in a time of need.

Which brings me back to the original premise: is the person in question able to provide for one in this manner? If he or she shows a complete lack of ability in other areas of life, it is a sure bet that the same thing will happen in this relationship also. A person does not suddenly develop the ability to handle situations where he or she previously lacked the ability. This is common sense.

A BDSM relationship is a relationship where both parties need to contribute.

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