October 6, 2008

Entry Into The Lifestyle

I was speaking with someone over the weekend who was recently introduced to our way of life. He recently got with a girl who is equally interested in BDSM and all that it offers. Neither has much experience in this area so they are seeking guidance as to the best approach. People who regularly read this blog know that I believe one of the main benefits of BDSM is the flexibility for two people to design a relationship how they see fit. I suggested that these individuals experiment to find what worked for them.

What was interesting about the conversation was his belief that he needed to be an expert immediately. I sensed that both wanted to attain a level which comes from years of experience. They certainly had the desire to dive into it full-tilt. While this is a natural tendency, I mentioned that perhaps a bit slower approach is beneficial. Many are hurt by one or both parties moving too quickly. It is important for both individuals to feel comfortable with the progress being made.

Limits are something that every person needs to determine. Experienced people know exactly where their boundaries are. Nevertheless, new people need the time to decide what they like and dislike. Here, conjecture is often misleading. Many believed that felt a certain way about something only to later determine that they liked it. A good Dom will take a sub to a limit, then try to move that person past it. This requires taking things a little slower. Shocking one is usually not a good thing.

Thus, the lesson of the day is to take things slow. The BDSM world is one that is diverse and exciting. However, there is no need to experience it all in a matter of days. Experimentation is the best practice; find out what your likes and dislikes are. And, always remember, safety is the top priority.

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