January 22, 2015

Some Signs That The Person You Are Dealing With Is Not Real


It would be great if we could print a handbook outlying all the warning signs that someone you are dealing with is a fake.  This appears to be one of the biggest obstacles in the online world.  How often do we come across a profile of one who espouses the frustration at dealing with all those who are not true.  This is a sad reality for us in the BDSM world today.  The Internet makes it far to easy for the scammers, con artists, and dregs of society to gather.  As we know, anyone with a keyboard, a modem, and the sense to read a couple pages can become an instant master.  Of course, what this wannabe will not tell you about is the fact that he has a wife and kid upstairs asleep while he jacks off online.  Anonymity is a great thing.

Recently, a situation that one is dealing with was forwarded to me.  Now, bear in mind, my estimation is that 90% of all the people online are either not real or not genuine.  Let me give some clarification of each: not real is someone who is not what they say.  For example, he is a she (or vice versa) or living in a country not stated.  We see the scammers under this category.  At the same time, this is where we find those who claim to be looking for something but are only gathering pics.  In short, the person is a farce and he/she knows it.

Not genuine is different from not real in that the person is basically who he or she claims to be.  Thus, a woman is a woman.  The location is correct as well as the age.  However, the problem this person is not what he or she thinks.  An example of this is our newbie who claims to be an instant slave.  Of course, all those overnight masters are present in this category.  These people might state they are something, believe it, but, in the end, are no such thing.  The opportunity to have something deep and long term with them is impossible since delusion is present.  Anyone who got involved with a "slut" who claimed to be a slave while looking for a true M/s relationship knows exactly what I am referring to.  You cannot make a ditch digger a CEO without a lot of work and years of effort.  The same can be said here.

The reason why I bring all this up is because the benefit of the doubt, statistically speaking, should never be given.  There is only a 10% chance that you are interacting with someone who is real and genuine based upon my estimates.  Therefore, there is a 90% chance the person on the other end of text or IM is a farce in some way.  In other words, it is best to presume the other person is not as he or she claims until some validation is provided.

Getting back to the situation which was referred to me.  In this instance, the "master" used some tell tale signs that he was not real.  Of course, our slave, who is somewhat experienced in M/s in that she had a master who beat the living daylights out of her and whored her out, was starting to fall head over heels in love.  There are a few problems with this.

1.  They never met:

Certainly many successful BDSM relationships started online and were long distance for a period of time.  This is a fact of life when dealing with the Internet.  It would be fabulous to meet someone who lives in our local town but, the fact that we are on some of the BDSM dating sites shows that we most likely exhausted the local community.  Therefore, we expand our search and often find compatibility a thousand miles away.  Again, this is par for the course and nothing to raise a red flag about.  At the same time, it is expected that it might take some time before in person meeting occurs because of the distance.  This is only logical.

So what is the problem in the instance I am referring to.  What struck me is that the individuals involved are only an hour apart.  Yes you read that correctly.  The participants in this M/s relationship, both whom are committed are about 60 minutes apart.  What is also interesting is that communication between the two is over two months old.  WTF?  You mean to tell me that in two months you cannot find time to drive an hour (actually 30 minutes if you meet in the middle) to meet your slave?  I would say this is a major red flag.

2. Lack of communication:

As I understand it, this particular relationship is a bit one sided in terms of the communication.  The slave sends a text to the master and he will answer it 6 or 7 hours later.  It appears this is true no matter what time of the day it is done.  I realize that some people work jobs that prohibit instant response but to leave one hanging that long is unacceptable.  A master is suppose to be there to guide and assist a slave, how can that work when he does not answer her for most of the day.  Of course, when she makes a decision out of necessity, she best be right or else punishment ensues (more on that in a bit).

So what is his excuse?  As I understand it, he has a sick mother (stop laughing) who is in ICU.  Evidently, in that country, phones are not allowed in the ICU which might well be true.  However, my counter argument to this is that people do not go 45 minutes without checking their phone and replying to texts.  We see this in business all the time when there is a meeting.  Everyone turns off their cell phones but as soon as the meeting ends, the phones are out and people are texting.  It is like we are addicted to it.

Getting back to our master, his defense is that he is spending 6-8 hours at a time with his mom in ICU.  Really?  Even if this is the case, does he not go to the bathroom or get something to eat?  Has anyone here ever sat by hospital bed for 8 hours a day, every day, without getting up and leaving the bedside?  Surely mother nature calls sooner or later.  Text while you are answering nature's call sitting on the can.  Whatever you have to do, if this was important, then it would be done.  Therefore, I am not buying the lack of communication.

3. Punishments:

I wrote a number of different posts about punishments.  My central view is that punishments are meant to change behavior.  A slave does something that the master does not want done, it is up to him to get her behaving how he wishes.  To do this, he might need to punish her for disobedience or for breaking a particular rule as a means of really driving home the point.  Discipline is part of the lifestyle and a strong master will exercise it when necessary.

The faker does not exercise punishment in this manner. What he does is he punishes for the slightest infraction.  The goal is not to change behavior but to instill fear and pain in her.  He gets his rocks off trying to be powerful by punishing her at the drop of a hat.  A strong master is judicious in his punishments having it fit the "crime".  Also, to properly punish, one must first have clearly outlined the desired behavior and the parameters she is to operate within.  A master who fails to do this has no recourse because he leaves the slave trying to hit a moving target.

As you can guess, our master in this situation is very willing to impose punishment at the slightest mishap.  He even goes so far to punish when he was not available to provide the direction she needed.  Is it any surprise he is considered a fake by most reading about this situation.

4. Isolation From Information (actually isolation in general):

This aspect really hit home with me because our social networking site, in my opinion, is one of the best sites for BDSM information out there.  On that site, in addition to myself, there are numerous posters who have decades of experience (between 30 and 45 years).  They freely express their views in an effort to help others with different aspects of this way of life.  This site is not a meat market nor a place meant to pick others up.  In fact, the functions I blocked such as the chat bar were done so with the intent on eliminating that aspect of things.  Ultimately, it is an information site written by some of the most knowledgeable people I ever came across with regards to this way of life.  It is a wonderful learning tool.

Focusing upon our slave again, she was directed to this site.  Of course, she had to ask her master before signing up and he promptly rejected her.  Why would he do that?  Perhaps because one of the articles on there, tagged to the front page, details many of the ways one can spot a fake.  The ideas discussed here along with many more were all listed clearly.  Simply put, he did not want her to have access to information that would most likely expose him.  This is the only conclusion to draw because he allowed her to still have a profile on the known BDSM "meat market" sites.

One final note about our master: the profile picture he used was not of him.  Now, I am aware many people do not put their pics up for privacy reasons.  Often, these will use cartoons or something generic to protect their identities yet still have something up.  At times, you will also see someone use a pic but state in the profile, this is not me but what I aim to be or like.  In this instance, we are all on the same page.  However, our master never did this.  He posted a chest pic of "himself" as his profile picture.  The only problem with this idea is that there is software online that allows you to drag a picture into it and the search will crawl the web and list all the sites that pic is on.  In this instance, our master's profile pic came back with 130+ hits including major tattoo magazines.  Can anyone tell me if something is fishy in Denmark?

You be the judge... what do you think about this situation and the validity of this master.  I know what I concluded and that is why I listed these items as signs that one is dealing with a fake.   If you see them happening in your life, be very leery.



DN 

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