Many talk about the desire to own someone strong. As I once read, it is not a challenge to own a doormat. I agree with this statement. I also am a believer that slaves are not weak individuals who are meant to be stepped upon. However, the thought comes to mind, what is a strong slave? What is it that distinguishes her from a weak one? These are questions that I find crucial to answer if we are to properly get to the depth of what a M/s relationship is about.
A while back I wrote a post about a Master's Greatest Challenge. In this post, I explained the fact that fear is the number 1 challenge a Master has. A slave tends to be overwrought with this destructive cancer to the point where she is in the habit of sabotaging many things in her life. Fear is something that centers in the mind and is projected outwards towards all situations she finds herself in. For those of us who sat back and watched this occur in someone's life, it is truly tragic. Is it any wonder that many find themselves in the repetitive cycle?
Obviously when we are referring to the strength of a slave, we are not talking about the physical aspects although there are some who will put most dominants to shame in the gym. When I mentioned strength, I am citing the ability of controlling what goes on inside her head. You see, it is my belief that all aspects of our lives stem from our thoughts. Our emotions are simply reactions to the thoughts we have. To test this out, try to feel depressed. What would you have to do? The answer is simple: think about depressing things. If you want to be scared, ponder a situation that you deem fearful. Therefore, to be strong, one must have control of her mental state (this applies on the dominant side also).
There is a difference between danger and fear. Danger is something that is real and one must be mindful of. There are many dangerous situations out there which are best to avoid putting ourselves in. However, this is a marked difference from fear which resides in the mind. Fear is a projection upon a future situation which may or MAY NOT come true. The truth is we do not know what is going to happen in the future yet we project our fears outward which can often lead to the manifestation of what we fear the most. The smothering spouse is a prime example of this. He or she fears the other leaving so, in turn, constant attention is paid to this individual which eventually drives him/her away.
I see so many who state in their profiles that they "cannot trust". Here again we see fear recurring as a theme throughout life. What is a lack of trust but fear? The situation is that this individual was harmed in the past by someone. In the online world, this is a regular occurrence. Anyone who had traveled this path knows what takes place intimately. None of us are exempt. There are liars, cheats, and scammers..that is what the online world is mostly comprised of. Go on any BDSM related site and this is the majority of the people on there in terms of profiles. In other words, it is par for the course. It is difficult not to be a bit hesitant when encountering someone new because the wounds from the past are ever present.
Which brings up the problem. The past does not equal the future. Just because you encountered 5 pieces of garbage in a row, that does not mean the 6th will be. It is far more likely, at least statistically speaking, that the more trash you pick through, the greater your chance of finding the gem you seek. One who is strong understands this idea and moves forward. At the same time, the past is eliminated as much as possible so as not to project that hurt upon the present situation. Sadly, unless one does this, the outcome will tend to be the same as before even if this person is legitimate. I am certain many people were dumped, let go, or walked away from simply based upon the delusion in a slave's mind. From personal experience, I know it does happen.
A slave needs the ability to be able to control her emotions, which fear is one of the primary. Stepping back and not instantly reacting is paramount. Unfortunately, from observation, few seem to be able to do this consistently. It is also why so many are runners. If you research or explore the background of many, you will find that their history is full of running. Whenever the situation got tough, they up and left. Over the years, I learned that it is a fool's errand to try and chase someone of this sort down. Habits take over and the running continues. Again, we see fear rearing its head and completely obliterating whatever is possible. To me, this sums up self-sabotage better than anything else I can think of.
Strength is the ability to move forward in spite of what we are feeling. The simple fact of the matter is we do not always feel good about things. We all have judgments and reservations. Fear is something that is managed, it never leaves. Hence, we all have it. Our view of the world is simply our perspective. This view is tainted by all the experiences, prejudices, and hangups we have. Therefore, it is crucial that we minimize these as best we can to see things objectively. We also need to set the feelings aside which are created in our mind so as to take the action that is required.
Someone recently asked me why I focus upon fear so much. My answer is simply that I see the damage it does and how so many people destroy themselves and their desires with it. Fear is not isolated to the BDSM world or people within it. However, as I bounce around the Internet, I see it so clearly in many people. In short, fear ultimately is the true master and runs the slave's life. There just is not room for anyone else in the equation. Remember, one cannot serve two masters and, in this instance, fear was there first.
I hope you start to take stock at where fear is sabotaging your life. It is one of the most vital keys to your happiness and fulfillment in my opinion.
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20 hours ago