December 22, 2014

Putting Your Time To Good Use


As we approach the coming of 2015, many people use this time of year to review what occurred in their lives the past 12 months.  At the same time, they start to lay down ideas or goals for the upcoming year.  This is a practice that many do on a personal and professional level.  It was this concept that got me thinking about what I commonly see online.

It is not uncommon as I travel around the different BDSM sites, to see profiles of people who are "still searching".  As we all know, life on these sites is a challenge at best while being downright frustrating at worst.  Finding someone who fits our needs the proverbial needle in the haystack.  Kissing a lot of frogs (or screwing a lot of nitwits) is par for the course.  After a while, one becomes fed up with the antics and withdraws.  Naturally, the tried and true BDSM people realize there is not anywhere else for us to go; hence we give it another shot.

The question that comes to my mind is what is this individual(s) doing with their time?  What I mean is does this individual have any focus or direction as it pertains to his or her skills or level of attraction to another?  While the frustration can be great when dealing with the nitwits, it also is the ideal time to do something about yourself.  In other words, get busy making yourself more attractive to potential individuals.

BDSM compiles all areas of life.  I am not one who believe in the BDSM and vanilla distinctions.  To me, when I read a profile that talks about this, I am led to the conclusion this individual really does not get it.  Let me repeat this:  YOU CANNOT HAVE A BDSM AND VANILLA LIFESTYLE.  THERE IS JUST LIFE.  THAT IS ALL.  Now, most of us do not run around with whips in our hands and leashes on our slaves.  Nevertheless, this is post for another day.  For now, just understand that BDSM is who I am and it involves everything about me.  There is no separating the two.

One of my core beliefs is that BDSM is about growth.  Ironically, if you listen to the different disciplines throughout the ages, many of them have growth and development as the basic tenet of life.  What is the meaning of life: to grow.  Therefore, what are you doing with your time?

The time outside of a relationship is the perfect time to begin working on yourself.  This applies equally to those who are dominant as well as submissive.  There is no such thing as a human being.  Hence we all have different areas in which we can focus our attention to get better.  So what are some of the things I recommend.

Let us start with the physical.  How is your body?  Are you in need of losing a few pounds?  If this is the case, why are you not doing something about it.  What better time to get busy exercising and changing your diet then right now?  It is well noted how many dominants want fit submissives.  Of course, I would counter that while not arguing the desire, it is a sign of the ability to control oneself to be fit.  Also, in our world, fitness and agility are important in many of the scenes we do.  Do you really want to be with a sub and her to be really enjoying a scene but it needs to be stopped because you are so out of shape that you tired after 15 minutes?

Next is the mental.  This encompasses a great deal more than I can cite here.  However, within our realm, why not spend time studying different aspects of the lifestyle.  Perhaps you want to research some about protocol.  Or maybe a particular fetish is of interest to you.  There are always areas of domination and submission which require attention.  The more we know intellectually, the more we bring to the table when interacting with someone else.  BDSM is wide and varied.  At the same time, it is never a bad idea to be a bit more cultured.  Read some of the classical literature.  Expand your interest in music to areas you haven't previously indulged in.  Study the arts or take up a hobby that is of interest.

Financial is next.  Is there anything worse than a totally broke Master?  Now I understand people have setbacks and situations arise in life which wipe them out.  For every generalization, there is a case which is separate.  However, when we see someone who has a good job yet is up to his eyeballs in debt, what does this tell you about money management?  Part of goal setting is taking into account the financial arena to see where improvement is needed.  Perhaps it is time for you to start studying concepts such as budgeting, couponing, investing, and money management techniques.  It is always a good idea to work on reducing/eliminating debt so maybe a 2nd job is needed on the weekends for a while to offset some of the payments you have.  Whatever your situation, there is usually something that can be done to improve it.

Spiritual/Emotional.  I couple these two together since I am not going to get into a discussion about belief.  This is an individual thing.  However, we all have an emotional basis and controlling our emotions is vitally important.  There is nothing worse than dealing with someone who is an emotional basket case all the time.  This is also something that is equally true for the dominant as well as the submissives.  It is difficult, if not impossible, for a slave to properly serve a master who is an emotional roller coaster.  One minute he is pleased, the next flying off the deep end.  No matter what the situation, she does not know what to expect.  The same is true when dealing with a submissive.  My point is whatever one has to do to get the emotions under control and learn emotional fortitude, it needs to be done.  This can come from faith, prayer, meditation, writing/journaling, retreats, or communing with nature.  Whatever your particular preference is, some type of effort needs to be taken to increase your discipline  in this area.

The key is to become a better person.  Life is about growth and BDSM is our life.  Take the time to work on yourself...it will pay many dividends.  The time outside a relationship or not with the one you want is difficult.  It is not easy to be alone especially if rejection led you into that situation.  Nevertheless, use the time wisely.  Start by making a list of 5-10 things you would like to improve.  Look over the areas I mentioned to determine some things you can focus upon.  Then, get busy.  Resolve yourself that you will have a lot more to offer the next person who comes down your path than you do today. 

DN  

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