December 19, 2014

Online BDSM "Dating" Tips


Today I am going to cover a topic that I feel very important in dealing in the online BDSM world.  As we know, it is a far different era from the pre-Internet days where people were screened and everyone knew what they were dealing with.

To start, I am going to say that this applies only when dealing with people who appear serious and not the atypical morons  that we now make up the greatest percentage of the population online.  The "on your knees, bitch" crowd deserves all the anger, discord, and rude replies that one wants to give.  What I am focusing upon is the serious people who are genuinely trying to make a connection of some kind.

Dominants

It is important for dominants to realize that a submissive will receive hundreds of emails on most of the typical sites we so often frequent.  These individuals are hit up as soon as their profile is set up.  Therefore, the sheer number of emails/contacts make navigating through the trash difficult.  Speaking of trash, another factor to consider is that most of what the submissives receive is trash.  The tone of many of the emails is borderline criminal.  Too many believe that being "dominant" is a license to be a total asshole.  Ask any sub about the types of emails she received on the typical BDSM connection sites and you will be stunned.  My point is that a submissive is going to be leery after reading the first half dozen emails from the meatheads.

I will state something that is very simple but probably the most overlooked thing.  If you are dominant, fill out your damn profile.  Write a couple paragraphs about yourself and what you are seeking.  It is best to use complete sentences to show you are relatively intelligent.  I cannot tell you the number of submissives I encountered over the years who complained about the ignorance in writing them.  Remember, you are trying to put your best foot forward and capture her attention. 

When emailing, again, do not be a douchebag.  It is crucial that you say something intelligent and thought provoking.  Worthwhile subs/slaves like their intellect stroked (once again we see it isnt all about sex).  Comment on something that is in their profile that you found of interest.  To start, it tells her you read it and submissives like that.  Also, it forms a connection based upon the commonality of whatever is being shared.  That gives her something to go on.

Finally, have some pride and class about yourself.  If she does not reply immediately (or at all), resist the temptation to fire off another message.  One complaint that I got over the years, repeatedly, is that a dominant will send a message, she reads it but cannot respond then and, before she gets to a place she can, he sent another email telling her how she is not submissive because she failed to reply.  Here is an important point to understand: she is not waiting around for your email to come in.  It is possible for her to read your email and seriously want to reply yet the time will not allow it.  They have lives too.  Along the same lines, if she does not reply (I will cover this next), simply move on.  Do not belittle yourself by sending along another email asking her why she did not reply or calling her names.  You are suppose to be a dominant.  Take the rejection/ignoring like a man.  In all honesty, it really is not personal since she knows nothing about you.

Submissive Types

Now we get to the other side of the equation.  As I mentioned, we understand that you receive hundreds of emails most of which are total garbage.  We also know it is almost impossible to sift through them all in a timely manner.  However, there are a few things that I must mention.

To start, you are suppose to be submissive.  Now, submissive does not mean doormat or idiot so tolerating intolerable behavior is not recommended.  When the pretenders are out in full force, take the gloves off.  Give them all you want and then some.  Trust me, they deserve it.  Nothing is too harsh for the online BDSM warriors.  If they give it, then I believe any submissive should hand it right back. 

But what about the dominant who takes the time to write something decent?  What do you owe this person?  I have seen profiles where a submissive actually wrote "I dont owe anyone an answer".  As I pondered this, I realized what the feeling within me was.  I thought she was a fake.  Now maybe she put that up there based upon dealing with the multitudes of fools and it is understandable.  However, you must remember that all is a reflection upon you. 

The basic fact is that not replying to someone is downright rude.  Again, I will insert the caveat for the thousandth time that this does not include the wannabes and pretenders who pull their antics.  This is reserved for those who make the attempt to show they are serious and honorable.  For those individuals, a reply is courteous and also shows respect.

So what should you reply?  Well it obviously depends upon the email and your circumstances.  Oftentimes, if the email is complimentary about something you wrote, a simple thank you is sufficient.  At the same time, perhaps you are already in a relationship and failed to mention it in your profile.  If this is the case, then reply that you are unavailable and thank you for the interest.  Obviously, I cannot list all the situations that will arise but you get the point.  Reply with something respectful which conveys the point that you need to get across.  Hey, there are going to be profiles you read and dominants that you are not interested in.  That is okay.  Relay this message and leave it at that.  Certainly, you might find that he does not take it well but that is not a reflection upon you.  It is him who cannot handle the reality you set forth to him.  This leaves your side of the street clean.

Respect is something that is sorely lacking in the BDSM world.  Hopefully, those of us on this blog will elevate our behavior from the dumbmasses.  While changing the entire landscape is most likely beyond our scope, perhaps we can make a difference in our own way.  Start behaving in a respectful way in all of our interactions. 


DN  

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1 comments:

Edward on April 8, 2016 at 10:24 AM said...

Thank you for sharing these tips,
these tips are really effective,
BDSM tips

 

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