December 26, 2014

Selling Yourself


I have an idea the conclusion many of you jumped to after reading this title.  While many are turned on by the idea of paying for sex or selling themselves for sex, this is not the topic I am going to undertake here today.  Instead, I want to focus upon the concept from a marketing perspective.

It continues to amaze me how so many people feel that the approaches and concepts which apply in the "vanilla" world. seem to elude people in this way of life.  Over the years, I often wrote my conclusion that many people act like they entered into a different dimension when embracing the BDSM life. Again, I must state that almost all of the interpersonal skills acquired throughout your lifetime apply to BDSM.  This is not some foreign world where everything is different.  At the end of the day, we are still dealing with people.

The idea that I want to convey is going to be geared towards the dominant side of the equation.  The reason I am doing this is the ilk that seems to be "above" this idea.  Instead, too many carry the belief that submissives should come crawling on their hands and knees. Once again, we see the online crew completely divorced from reality.

To start, I must reaffirm that the most important part of the phrase "BDSM relationship" is the word relationship.  What this means is the interaction is a two-way street.  Far too many on the dominant side seem to think that BDSM relations should all be to his benefit and the submissive should be happy to take whatever he gives her.  This is not the case.  One enters into a relationship to seek fulfillment and happiness.  Even in scenes, a bottom seeks to get something out of it.  She is not there simply for the pleasure of the other although that is part of it.

The point is that a submissive needs to get something out of the interaction/relationship.  It is not all about you senor dominant.  BDSM is about both parties receiving what they need to be fulfilled and happy with the interaction.  This is a crucial point.  Failure to adhere to this means that one is going to end up alienating the other.  So do yourself a favor and remind yourself of this point on a regular basis.

Another factor in this is that a sub/slave has desires.  Slaves are individuals no different from any other woman out there.  Their tastes are individualistic meaning that not everything floats their boat.  However, just like dominants, there are certain generalities which can be drawn.  Obviously, when talking about a relationship or, at a minimum, sexual interaction, there needs to be some type of physical attraction.  Too many dominants overlook this.  I see so many dominants state in their profile that they are looking for someone fit and in shape.  Well, my question is what makes you think she does not want the same in return?  Do you not think that she wants to be in bed with someone who physically turns her on (or at least doesnt turn her off)?  What is good for the goose is also good for the gander as they say.

In short, a dominant needs to think in terms of marketing.  He needs to present a package that "sells" the submissive.  This has to come through in his approach, in how he carries himself, and what he is offering her.  Yes, you read that last part correct.  What are you offering this girl(s)?  That is a fact too many simply ignore.  A dominant needs to be offering a submissive something for her to enter into a relationship with him.  If not, she will not be interested.

From the non-scientific analysis I did, it seems many are overlooking this point.  Just because you call yourself dominant and post a profile, that does not mean that slaves are going to fawn all over you.  Remember, they get hundreds of emails from guys saying the same thing you are.  Unless you somehow separate yourself, you will end up in bulk mail.  At the same time, the worthy ones will not be interested in someone who simply puts for the same platform as everyone else.  A slave who is seeking true enslavement will quickly get bored with the same mantra she heard a thousand times.  How is it going to be different with you?  What are you offering that she is not being offered elsewhere?  If you think sucking your cock, taking off your boots, and getting you a drink is different from the masses, then you are sadly mistaken.  The truth is your cock, no matter how spectacular, is not going to hold her interest for long.  You best be offering something more than that.

Therefore, a good starting point is to determine what it is most of the slaves are looking for.  If you know what they are seeking, you can tailor your message to meet those desires.  Now, some might think this is manipulative, but it is not.  One is simply contouring the message to said desires which he can fulfill.  This is marketing at its best.  Obviously, there needs to be substance and truth behind what is being stated.  Remember, the idea is to catch her attention.

Another point that I must bring up is within the profile itself.  I cannot tell you how many profiles I go through that have nothing in them.  Take the time to fill out the profile.  Answer some of the questions I mentioned here.  Give a submissive/slave who is reading your profile something to go on. Again, considering more than the half the profiles are blank, this will help you stand out.  At the same time, when sending emails, say something thoughtful.  I have yet to meet a slave who did not enjoy interacting with a dominant who was intelligent.  That is a great turn on for many...show her you have some.  Barking out rude comments on the first email is not going to give her the impression that you are very knowledgeable.  It takes little intelligence to behave like a barbarian.

In summary, it is imperative that you sell yourself to a perspective submissive.  Take stock of what you finer characteristics are and emphasize them.  Expand upon what you know so as to present the best possible package.  Finally, and most important, consider her needs when approaching her and ways you can fulfill them.  This will make you more attractive to her.

DN

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