May 1, 2011

100% Commitment

I wonder how many have this mindset in any area of their life? It seems that our society today is wrought with doubt and uncertainty. Perhaps this is a sign of the times or it is merely are reflection of something that happens all the time; i.e. all times are filled with uncertainty.

Nevertheless, I see so many who approach this lifestyle with the zeal of going to the dentist. Instead of looking at it as a decision which will impact one's life, I see so many who are into 'testing the water;'. Certainly, I do feel that not everyone is designed for this way of life. However, for those that are, it is best to approach it with more than just an optimistic outlook.

Becoming An Expert

Does the average person know what it takes to become an expert at anything? Again, I am being led to the conclusion that most do not. It is sad to see so many waffling through life in general. Yet it is really tragic when I see people doing it within this lifestyle. Something that is the source of so much pleasure turns into a humdrum experience because of an unwillingness to learn.

I wrote a post on my social site the other day titled "Learn. Learn. Learn.". The essence of the post was that one needs to commit to learning about this lifestyle no matter what the point. In other words, lifelong learning is something that is present when following this path. Nobody, regardless of how long around this lifestyle, knows everything. There is always something new to uncover.

Of course, at the opposite end of the spectrum, the new people need to dedicate the time and effort to learn what is going on. So many enter and try to apply traditional methods to this way of life. In short time, they fail. The problem is they never commit to making this a study. Instead, they want to jump into a relationship after only a few days.

Those who want to become an expert at this lifestyle are the ones who find success. Making BDSM a study is a central tenet of my life. I want to know all there is about what people are involved in. Knowledge comes from all areas. Everyone can assist me on my journey. However, it only is that way because I committed to it.

100% Commitment

Most are 'tire kickers'. These are the ones who approach this lifestyle like one does when entering a car showroom. When approached by a salesperson, they reply "We are just looking". Of course, tire kickers do not buy anything.

How does this apply to the BDSM world. The vast majority of those who are 'involved' in the lifestyle are just playing. They are here looking to see what they can find. Some just want to get laid. Others want to liven up their sex lives. Still others are bored and just want someone to chat with. Whatever the reasoning, these people will delve into nothing more than just the basics. They do not care about anything more.

Those who are 100% committed have a much different outlook. To start, they have a built in belief that they will succeed 'no matter what'. This dedicated attitude means that all obstacles will be overcome. Another term for this is persistence. The committed persist even when they encounter assholes who make one want to throw in the towel. They also study and inquire about all aspects of the lifestyle. For example, have you looked into kitten, pony, or dog play? How about diaper play? Needle and blood play? Fire play? These are all aspects of the lifestyle that people are presently involved in and enjoy. Perhaps many of them are not for you but knowing about them is worthwhile.

At the same time, have you studied the psychology of submission and domination? There are many publications in the field of psychology that deals with these subjects. How about the impact of psychic vampires on your well being? There are many people who will drain your energy if you allow them. What about the deep commitment level that comes from being completely responsible for another human being? Have you looked into that and what that requires? These are all areas which are open to exploration.

My suggestion is commit to learning as much as you can about the BDSM world in an effort to see what applies to your life. While there are a great many things that will hold no interest to you, I will surmise that your experience (and you success levels) will increase by having this knowledge. There are so many who are walking around blindly that those who commit to expansion are the ones who are able to enjoy and be fulfilled. Contrary to popular opinion, BDSM is a lot more than just kinky sex.

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BuhoGrunon on July 29, 2012 at 9:38 AM said...

Hi, I know this comment is extremely last considering when you wrote this post but I just wanted to thank for you for it. I'm only just beginning to learn about BDSM and I know (for personal reasons) that although I'm not ready for that sort of relationship I do want to explore it. A lot of websites seem to offer the 'try everything once, even if you're sure you'll hate it' approach. This just seems to me a bit silly, but your approach of not necessarily trying everything just for the sake of trying but instead doing proper research and at least learning about all the different aspects within BDSM seems intelligent and extremely good advice for a beginner (at least from my perspective anyway). I think a lot of people who get scared away from BDSM would benefit from this approach, especially when others have made them think that there is only 'one proper way' of having a BDSM relationship.
Might have babbled a bit there but I just wanted to thank you. :) Also would you mind if a posted a link to this on my blog?

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