May 29, 2011

Domination: Taking Responsibility

Responsibility is something that many in society talk about. We are taught that one is to be responsible. For example, males are taught they are to work hard and be good providers for the family. One is suppose to take care of those who are dependent upon him (her). We are told this is what 'responsible people do'.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with this viewpoint. Society would be better off if more had this outlook. My observation is that we are going in the opposite direction. Overall, I sense the 'blame game' is more prominent than personal responsibility. Everyone has an alibi and is quick to put it to use. While not wanting to turn this post into a political rant, it is safe to say some of the industrious values of yesteryear were replaced.

BDSM: Contrary to Society

Much of my writing focuses attention on the fact that those who live the BDSM lifestyle need to have a mindset that differs tremendously from the average person. We walk a path that adopts outlooks which are not taught in the traditional world. Instead, we are programmed to obey the overriding social mores that are presented to us. Those who break free and enter this way of life, to some degree, cease thinking in the traditional terms.

Regardless of what the general consensus of society regarding responsibility, the fact is that those who enter the BDSM lifestyle must be willing to accept this on every level. This is especially true of those have the dominant quality about them. I see so many who proclaim to be 'Masters' yet are completely ill-equipped to serve in this role. As opposed to be responsible, they fall into the normal mindset of 'it isn't my fault'.

Therefore, for those who seek to live according to the principles of BDSM, it is imperative to adopt an outlook that is contrary to the view of society at large. Responsibility is just on of those areas.

Domination: All Your Fault

One of the toughest lessons I learned (and continue to learn) is that everything is my fault. I am the one who is solely responsible for the events in my life. This includes what occurs within my household. While the tendency to place blame stills exists, it is something that I work on daily. However, the one advantage is today, even when I do not want to, I know that all consequences lay at my feet.

Being a victim is not in the makeup of a dominant. If you are one who falls into this habit, then I suggest you re-evaluate your choice. The truth is that those who are successful at being Masters within this lifestyle are those who take responsibility.

When one owns another, the responsibility for growth and direction lies with the Master. This is something that most welcome. However, things seem to take on a different twist when they go awry. Then, the blaming tendency starts.

A slave is trained to be obedient. That is what a worthy slave seeks. It is a quality that is imperative to the M/s and D/s dynamic. Of course, this is not to be mistaken for weakness. Obedience does not amount to a person being weak. On the contrary, it is actually a sign of strength.

Strength must be met with strength. If not, the relationship will fall apart. I cannot tell you the number of times I witnessed a slave 'surpass' the Master in ability. In short, she grew; he did not. A dominant person needs to dedicate him or herself to this growth. And, for me, it starts with owning up to what occurs. As Teddy Roosevelt said, "the buck stops here".

If a slave makes a mistake, it is up to a Master to correct that. By the same token, if she is lost, it is up to him to help her find her path. Whatever happens, a dominant needs to stand up and know that all is done at his directive. When things do not work out as anticipated as they invariably do, then it is his fault. And, he is the one who needs to ensure corrective action is taken. Anyone who wants to place the blame on the slave is not worthy of being called a Master. Ultimately, unlike the self titled people on line, this is something that is earned. Be responsible and you are on the path to earning it.

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