November 14, 2009

Hard Limits versus The Mind


Limits are things that cause great controversy within the lifestyle. As one moves further out on the spectrum towards the extreme, many believe that hard limits do not exist. I am not a proponent of this belief. There can be certain things that are off limits no matter what the makeup of the relationship. Even slaves have certain things they cannot overcome. To expect people to engage in activities which is potentially dangerous to that person is foolhardy and unsafe. Limits need to be respected.

While there are truly hard limits which many cannot overcome, there are also those things that people will say are limits which are nothing more than walls of the mind. A limit is something that cannot be overcome because it is dangerous for that person to engage in that particular behavior. For example, if one was anally molested as a child, anal sex could be something this person cannot partake in. I once had one who was blindfolded while she was raped as a child. Thus, whenever anyone tried to blindfold her, she would have flashbacks to that point in time. Obviously this was a hard limit for her. To relive those experiences put her in psychological peril.

When you view something as uncomfortable, gross, or embarrassing, that is not a limit. Many, especially when they are new, say they will not do a certain thing. The reasoning is simple; he or she does not want to do it. That is not justification for classifying something as a limit. Instead, it is another form of topping from the bottom. Limits are serious and when one starts to "water down" the concept by attributing nonsense to this, it makes for a perilous relationship. A good Dom or Master will help a submissive find his or her limits while assisting to get past them. Nevertheless, something that is considered embarrassing is not a limit that is overcome.

Remember this idea the next time you are apt to throw out the "limit" idea. Is there a real justification for you not being able to partake in this activity? If so, then it is a hard limit. Yet, if you can only conclude the reasoning is that you do not want to do it, then you are manipulating the relationship. I find that people who do this are like the boy who cried wolf. When a true limit is uncovered, the trust from the dominant one is gone. It is impossible to take someone seriously who always cries "hard limit".

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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Or the slave simply does not trust the Master enough at that point in time but is too afraid to say so.

As someone whom gets many requests from slaves, I do not view everything as simply black and white. Being a Mistress to me is like being a social worker: you MUST treat each case as an individual, or it WILL come back to bite you in the ass. You cannot put slaves in neat little compartments no more than you can put your average Joe Q. Public off the street in little compartments.

Being myopic while you are a Mistress is dangerous, I have found, and trust me, I have paid dearly for it.

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