November 17, 2009

Service Versus Sex


Let me ask a question: what do you think that newer people to the lifestyle think about when they are considering what is offered here? Do you believe that service is the idea that is foremost in their minds or does the idea of sexual conquest reign supreme? My experience tells me that the idea of sex is what most consider when looking at this alternative lifestyle.

Naturally, the images presented online lead one to this conclusion. We all have seen the pictures of professional dungeon scenes put out by kink.com or websites like that. Sadly, this leads people to falsely to believe that this way of life is all about sex. The truth is, that sex is only a minor component to how we live. In fact, BDSM is about power and control as opposed to sexual conquest. Certainly that is an arena that is explored. Nevertheless, we live a life that is so much more than sex.

Newer people fail to see that real life is a part of the deal. BDSM does not exempt us from the daily struggles that affect millions of others. Regardless of whether one is submissive or dominating, he or she needs to look past the sexual aspect to understand what this life is all about. This is a step that needs undertaking in if one expects to have any success.

The way to approach BDSM is to understand how service is the main component of each relationship. People enter this lifestyle looking to meet the needs of another or to have their own needs met. This simple concept eludes people. A submissive type should remember it is his or her place to serve. This is what a Dom/Master is judging that person upon. Sexual service could be a part of what is desired. However, one might be called upon to serve in a different capacity. This is where the submission process becomes reality. One who submits is not free to choose how he or she will serve. That is in the hands of the Dom/Master.

This concept equally applies to the dominant one in the relationship. It is that person responsibility to determine how to best utilize his (or her) sub/slave. Analyzing capabilities while filling voids is a part of the process. In many ways, it is no different than being in management. The dominant one is responsible for managing the relationship. All choices are his (hers).

Therefore, if you are new, get past the sex idea. Few ever experience the satisfaction of being suspended from the ceiling while being gangbanged. This is something that the porn industry promotes. Instead, look at the vanilla world if you want some idea of what a BDSM relationship is like. Many of the same attributes exist. The big difference is how we decide to break down power. When you have the mindset of service, you quickly understand how the power structure is aligned. This is what separates us from the traditional.

Avoid the tendency to buy into the fantasy that is presented by the online community. Reality hits when one is face-to-face with another person. Much of the information, including the idea on non-stop sex, presented online is absolutely false. Having an understanding of reality will make your life a great deal easier as your explore this way of life. Service is a big component.


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1 comments:

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