November 7, 2009

How One Is Dominated

Most understand the idea that the Master/Dom is the one who is in control of the relationship. This is a concept that is fairly easy to comprehend. However, many seem to fall short on accepting this when it comes to implementing it into practice.

We see the exchange of power become more pronounces as we travel further along the line towards the extreme end of the lifestyle. When we arrive at the M/s relationship, we see the breakdown of power complete. A Master is the one who is totally in control with all decisions residing with him (or her if it is a Mistress). This is the basic foundation of this type of relationship.

The problem that often arises is when a slave is not dominated in a way that is to her liking. Instead of being the obedient and accepting one, she decides that she wants something different. When this occurs, the tendency is to do things to try and get things the way that she likes. This is where the phrase "topping from the bottom" applies.

M/s is an extreme aspect of the lifestyle. It is only for those who are able to handle the absolute breakdown. Many like to think they can but only a few are truly able. It seems the fantasy often exceeds reality.

I notice the situation gets magnified when poly is involved. The tendency to compare is a natural one. However, it is also a method which leads to one wanting what others have. This causes conflict in the sense that it is up to a Master to determine where, when, and with whom he focuses his attention. The way that he treats each individual is solely his.

We all have ideas of how we want relationships to look. Many enter with a mindset that was created by pictures they saw online. I see some who tend to "romanticize" this way of life while looking for something that does not materialize. Fantasy is certainly a part of these people's outlooks. Sadly, they are disappointed when real time is encountered.

No relationship is perfect. That is because there are individuals who are involved who are naturally flawed. Everyone makes mistakes. Nevertheless, it should be understood that accepting how a relationship is run is a slave's place. While she might not like it, this is how we choose to live. Obedience is a quality that is highly emphasized. Sometimes one obeys by sitting back and allowing a Master space to do as he chooses. This is difficult but part of the process.

I found that I go through phases. There are periods where I will regularly use a slave sexually before I "drift away". At times I am outgoing and into group sex while other times I want solitude. Whatever my whim, I expect my slaves to be accepting of them. I try not to put them in any danger so they need not worry about being abused. However, obedience includes accepting how I choose to run our relationship. To me, this is part of the deal.

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BlueEyes69 on November 7, 2009 at 11:30 AM said...

Makes me glad I found Jay!!! Always a pleasure reading your posts. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

The other part of the deal is that the slave's sexuality is theirs to give, not the owner's to take. Therefore, the Master can never force the complete breakdown of power. Only few slaves can accept the complete breakdown for a reason: it is THE most traumatic thing that will happen in a slave's life.

If the slave is simply paying lip service to the master by saying they have completely broken down and submitted when they know deep down they really have not, a seasoned Master can see this as plain as if the slave had it stamped on their forehead.

It is not always as simple as "topping from the bottom".

If this were not true, safety words would not exist.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above comment, and at the same time I would say that even though a Master decides how he will spend his time and with whom he needs to always remember that failure to look after those he owns leads to them not being owned any more. A slave is a person and no matter what a Master thinks he needs to be aware that they have needs and wants just like everyone else, failure to tend to those needs is not the sign of a good Master but the sign of an amateur.

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