April 26, 2009

The Foundation Of BDSM


The power breakdown is what separates a BDSM relationship from a traditional one. This is something that would be common sense to most. However, in reading different blogs online, I find it something that is lacking. So, I will do my best to explain it in clear terms.

A basic fundamental of BDSM is the exchange of power. In simple terms, a sub gives his/her power over to a Dom/Domme. Naturally, this exchange will differ based upon the parameters of the relationship. Nevertheless, the exchange of power is complete pertaining to those areas which are in question.

For example, the typical D/s relationship will see the Dom (Domme) in total control during the scene. While there might be some areas that were agreed upon to be off limits, the power totally lies in the hands of the D. He or she is responsible for the direction of the scene.

If we go a bit further into BDSM and explore the M/s relationship, this is where the total power exchange is really evident. Under these circumstances, a slave cedes all control over to the Master. Again, there might be areas which are fundamentally off limits such as career or children (if not the Masters). Nevertheless, the life of the slave is in the hands of the Master.

I believe that many understand this point in concept. Yet few seem to practice this in reality. In my reading of words written by slave's, I often find myself wondering whether they are the slave or the Master. While claiming to be a slave, there seems to be a lot of "take charge" on her (in this instance) part. To me, this is completely backwards.

I once read how a slave "pulled her Master up" to engage in sex. This really struck me as off base. A slave who is horny is only serviced if it is the will of her Master. It is not a slave's choice when and where sex is to occur. Her desires are secondary to his. That is the basis of service. If one is constantly looking out for her wishes, then her Master's desires are taking a back seat. This is not M/s.

Many will claim that it is up to individual's to establish their relationships as they wish. I totally agree. In fact, that is something that I wrote about quite often on this blog. One of the most attractive aspects of BDSM is the freedom to create a relationship however you see fit. What people do is their business.

What gets my ire is when people misinform people through their writing. If one chooses to structure a relationship in a particular way, that is their business. Nevertheless, do not pass it off as M/s. M/s involves a total exchange of power. When one pushes her desires on her Master through manipulation, that is something different. Many times, this is acceptable to the Master. Again, it works in their relationship yet is not M/s.

The main reason why I started this blog is to clear up a lot of misconceptions that are out there. Sadly, people will rarely admit what they are. A slave is a slave only is he or she takes that part. Many say they are slaves when, in fact, they are subs. They want to maintain some control over different aspects of their relationship. Complete control is given in certain circumstances yet is taken back at others.

The bottom line is to watch the words that people use. In true M/s, the Master is the instigator of all action. When I see a "slave" writing about his or her desires that were thrust upon the Master, I begin to question. To me, this lacks the completeness.

Remember, just because I say I am an astronaut does not make it reality.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

1 comments:

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