February 11, 2009

There are plenty of fakes

This is a topic which pains me to write but it is something that needs to be said. I consider this sort of a "public service announcement" for those who are new to this way of life. Hopefully, these words will save one from enduring some unnecessary pain.

People who approach this lifestyle often do with fascination and excitement. We all remember the wonder we had when we first learned that this world existed. That being said, these same people are also somewhat impressionable at that time. This is where people who are looking to play games usually can be found. The "pretenders" prey upon those who know little. They cower when confronted by someone who knows what this way of life is all about.

Remember these words: there are plenty of fakes. This is especially true for those who like to meet people online. The Internet offers a wonderful means by which one can create any persona he or she wants. Past experience matters little since there are few opportunities to show proof. The games that are played range from the absurd to the outright dangerous.

If you read my other posts, you know that I believe this lifestyle is not about sex although that is part of it. At the same time, it is not about control although that is a large aspect also. It is about two people fulfilling internal needs based upon their basic core makeup. A Master/Dom is that way because of something within him (or her). At the same time, a sub/slave is submissive because of that same core makeup. Finally, we are not here to abuse or be abused.

Pretenders know none of this. Instead, they are constantly looking for those with whom they can score. The idea of dominating is have one do whatever he wants. Basically, they are looking for a slut who will never say "no". They never approach the deeper levels of domination or submission since they dont realize they exist.

At the other end, there are those who claim to be subs/slaves yet are actually after something different. The idea of submitting is appealing although I tend to believe those who are pretending do so because of a lack of attention in other areas of life. This is how one gains her esteem. It is not the lifestyle that is appealing as much as the idea of someone taking interest in her (or him).

Of course, I am making sweeping generalizations here. The point is that those who are true to this lifestyle will emerge if you are patient. You might need to weed through lots of "bad apples" before you find One who is real. The same is true if you are seeking a sub. Many claim to be but few are. There are thousands of chatrooms filled with pretenders as we speak. They are all over the place.


girlfrisky on February 11, 2009 at 5:54 PM said...

thanks for this. It's important to hear from the BDSM community on matters like this.

I find this a timely post, as I recently addressed in my own blog ideas of what Kink is in the modern world, and touched upon a bad experience within the BDSM world, which, I believe, had some of your "fakes" present.

To know that there is a sense of morality and responsibility in this realm is vital in order to maintain a healthy idea of the 'darker' side of sex.


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