February 16, 2009

Finding the right one

Is there such a thing as the right One(one)? I hear many who come into this lifestyle who are seeking that right person. To me, this is a loaded question which necessitates some unraveling. As with anything in the BDSM world, there are many facets to explore.

The first is in the area of romance. Are you getting into this lifestyle with another person or are you presently in a committed relationship which you are looking to expand? This is an important matter. If you already found the one with whom you have that heart connection, then that aspect of the relationship is taken care of. However, there are those who seek BDSM as a way to fulfill that void in one's life. This can be a risky proposition since there are many involved in BDSM who arent seeking that committed one-on-one relationship. This is something that one should look at before getting into this way of life.

Another thing to explore is the different personalities you come across. Just because One is a Dom does not mean that person is the right Dom for you. There is more to a relationship than sex and play. What are the similarities that you both share? Is there a common ground that you both share? Are you seeking 24/7 when the other person is looking for a "playmate" (or vice versa)? Look are these issues to resolve what your desires are.

The final point I want to mention is the concept of "test driving". We do it with cars. The same is true for clothing. In the traditional world, a test drive is commonly referred to as "dating". How many people marry the first person they ever go out with? Very few. Most try out different people before settling with the one whom they make a life commitment to. Of course, half the time that ends in divorce thus making the marriage a test drive.

My point is that the first Dom might not be the best one for you. It is not uncommon for people to be involved with different people over the years. There are personality conflicts to take into account. Also, one must consider the experience of the other person. I have seen instances where a sub needed more than a Dom could give over time. She grew, he did not. Hey, it happens. The idea is to enjoy the time you have and to find what makes you happy.

As I like to say, this is not a "one size fits all".

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