Aftercare

This is a topic that does not get a lot of coverage online. However, this is an extreme part of the BDSM lifestyle. Those who engage in any sort of extreme scenes are at risk unless they take the precautions needed for a smooth conclusion.

A BDSM scene is something that can affect a sub on many different levels. Obviously, there is the physical component which is well illustrated by the pics posted online. In addition to this, there is also the mental/emotional/spiritual component that needs to be addressed. It is this second aspect which will allow a sub to maintain dignity while continuing participation in these acts.

The simple truth is that a BDSM scene is often degrading. This is part of the process since separation between Dom and sub is truly emphasized. Often, the process of humiliation is employed to enhance the experience of each during the scene. Personally, I find this to be a major turn-on which does provide for a better experience. The problem arises when a sub takes what is being said to heart. This is where Aftercare emerges as a crucial element.

A simple definition of Aftercare is the treating of a sub after a BDSM scene. This includes all the different aspects mentioned above. To start, a Dom will address the physical wounds. They should be cleaned and dressed to prevent infection, encourage healing, and lessen pain. After that, the emotional and mental "wounds" should be tended to.

In a situation like this, it is not uncommon for a sub to need some compassionate contact with a Dom. Her worth should be reaffirmed. Expression of her ability in performing during the scene should be stressed. Also, compliments designed to truly lift her self-esteem should be offered. The vital aspect is that she receives some attention from the Dom.

Naturally, the Aftercare will vary depending upon the relationship of the parties. For example, it is not uncommon for professional Dom/Domme to place a call to the sub the day after to ensure that he or she is alright and to offer further reaffirmation. In cases where the two are involved in an ongoing relationship, extra attention and care the days following is productive.

The bottom line is that it is a Dom's responsibility to take a sub to the edge during a scene. However, there is nothing worse than dropping this person like a lead balloon after taking him or her to extravagant heights. Nothing will ensure a smooth landing like solid Aftercare. Do not overlook this crucial step.

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4 Basics Accessories for BDSM

Many want to try to complicate their entry into BDSM. They believe that they will increase their success if they spend an enormous amount of money on BDSM 'toys'. For those who are in a position to drop thousands, it might be a way to go. However, for those who have to live within a budget, another path is needed. For this reason, I will share four accessories I feel necessary to get started in BDSM.

1. Rope

Bondage is a vital component to the lifestyle. Most subs will be happier if you restrain them. However, cuffs and exotic bondage devices cost a small fortune. The best way around this is rope from your local hardware store. There are many styles which work. Look for something soft and flexible to allow for a variety of knots. Get yourself a couple hundred feet worth to start. This will allow you to cut segments different lengths to be used for restraints.

2. Whipping Device

There are a variety ways to go for this. My personal preference is the riding bat. I picked a couple up at the local feed store for about half the price of one at the sex shop. Paddles or riding crops also work well. Again, seek stores other than the local adult toy store. Hardware and craft stores often carry items which can be used as a substitute.

3. Blindfold

This is basic, inexpensive, and crucial. Blindfolding a sub will enhance any scene. I love the element of surprise this offers.

4. Candles

Purchase the inexpensive ones at your local discount dollar store. Plain white without all the fancy fragrances is preferable. This will eliminate the potential for allergic reactions to the dyes and perfumes in them.

Wax play is something that most find desirable. A cheap candle burns at a low hear, thus providing discomfort without injury. Most subs like it on their nipples while a few can handle it on the genitalia.

All these items are inexpensive and easy to obtain. Start to fill your 'toy box' with these items. They are versatile in their uses while providing a basis for the BDSM scene. As your desires and abilities evolves, then you can move onto more expensive items. However, this is ideal for getting started.

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The Punishment Box

Many want to enhance their sex life. When people first look at this lifestyle, they are stunned to find out that the price of "toys" is expensive. It is possible to spend thousands of dollars in a short period of time outfitting yourself with all kinds of accessories. While this might work for some, there is a much better approach.

There are a lot of things in the BDSM world which are free. If you are an imaginative person, your house is presently filled with many items that will enhance you sexual experience. Things such as brushes, spatulas, rope, string, belts, and ice are available in most houses. Consider using the free stuff first before laying out the cash for the expensive stuff.

Punishments are a part of the BDSM lifestyle. There are times when subs/slaves need to have their actions adjusted. A good Dom/Master will approach this with the candor one takes when disciplining a child. A corrective reminder is usually to the benefit of the offender. BDSM is no different.

A way to add some fun to this is to have a punishment box. This is nothing more than a small box containing cards or small pieces of paper with different punishments written on them. When the sub/slave acts inappropriately, he or she is told to pull a punishment out of the box. Whichever is selected is the one the Dom/Master instills.

When creating this, it is best to have punishments which vary in severity. Of course, you will want some that the sub/slave detests. It adds to the excitement when he or she is pulling the card. I often marvel at how the a sub/slave can pull the same punishment 4 or 5 times in a row when there are 15 different ones in the box. The harder he or she wishes for something else, the more likely the same one is pulled.

The punishment box is a great way to dole out punishments. However, it can also be used in your scene. For this, simply write different activities you want to perform on separate pieces of paper and have them pulled at different times. Once pulled, perform that technique on him or her. This is heightened if the Dom/Master is the one who creates the activities. The element of surprise only enhances the sub/slave's experience.

Try the punishment box or variations on this idea. You will be happy that you did.


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Courtesy

There seems to be a lack of courtesy which has overtaken our culture. Everywhere I turn people are downright rude. I can only presume this is part of what goes along with the entitlement mentality. We are a culture that believes others are here to serve us and that some are "beneath" us. We witness this with anyone who is involved in the service industry. These are some of the most abused people.

The BDSM world is no different. We often talk about the M/s aspect of BDSM on this site. However, this concept applies equally, if not more, to the D/s realm. The nature of M/s establishes a certain amount of respect and courtesy for one's Master. However, this is not always reciprocated. Often, I see Masters acting like arrogant fools. They failed to remember the lessons they were taught growing up.

D/s is often a relationship without the deep commitment we find in M/s. Many times, people will only get together for a scene. Friends with benefits can come under this scenario. Once the scene ends, the commitment to each other ends.

Does this mean that common courtesy is to be ignored. Of course, there are techniques used during the scene which will negate this (erotic humiliation for example). Nevertheless, we can still apply the same courtesy and respect to this type of relationship.

Standing someone up is considered by most to be plain rude. No matter what the interaction, not showing up when you agreed to is disrespectful and shows how little one cares about others. To me, this is one of the most selfless acts. That being said, I am amazed at how many people will agree to meet on a certain day only to have that day pass without even a phone call. In my book, this is grounds for ending the relationship.

Another area that I see abused is the lack of saying "please" and "thank you". This applies to the Masters as well. These terms are always practical no matter what type of relationship you create. It is not a sign of weakness to say them to a slave. In fact, it shows your power more since you are not threatened by her. Many pretenders feel that continue degradation is the only way to control. Destroying a slave/sub's esteem is not control; that is abuse. The truly power Masters/Doms will build their ones up while maintaining his own self worth.

In the end, the BDSM world is a microcosm of society in general. Since common courtesy is something that is vanishing from our culture, it is also something that is leaving this lifestyle also. I can only hope there are a few who remain committed to some of the ideals of old.

The Best Household BDSM Implement

Many go out and spend hundreds of dollars on BDSM toys and accessories. While this is all well and good, it is a step that needn't be taken, especially in the beginning. It is best to enter into this alternative lifestyle in a manner which reflects your level of learning. Spending a boatload of money on furniture, whips, and chains when you know not how to use them is pointless.

The way I tell most couples to implement BDSM in their relationship is through the technique of spanking. This simple technique allows for one to experience the sensation of the lifestyle without going too deep. I find it best to go slower rather than fast. Spanking can also be coupled with a variety of role playing to enhance the scene.

After one get accustomed to this, I usually suggest adding to thes situation by getting a simple household spatula. This can be one of the plastic ones that is available at the local discount store. A plastic spatula will increase the amount of "sting" when the ass or upper back is struck. Some also like to have their tits beaten with this, an entry into titty torture.

Using a spatula is the most cost effective way to move to the next level in your BDSM play. The best part is that every kitchen has one. You can vary the degree of pain by strike the same area repeatedly in quick intervals. As mentioned, there is the flexibility of striking different areas. Finally, I have concentrated on a specific area long enough to draw blood. The constant striking will thin out the skin until there is nothing left.

Remember this tool the next time you want to add a bit more to your scene.

The BDSM Scene

The "scene" is the most basic component in the BDSM lifestyle. We often talk about the lifestyle and all the different facets to it. However, when we break it all down, the scene is what really inspires us. This is what the general public often pictures when they think of the BDSM world.

I take great pain to help people enter this way of life with an open set of eyes. It is easy to be led astray with all the misinformation that is out there. The Internet is full of ideas that lead to pain and hurt. That being said, it is also healthy to mention what many consider the most exciting part of BDSM.

The scene is the interaction between two or more people. Typically, it occurs between a Dom and sub. The "dungeon" scene is the most famous image that is promoted. It is a visual that really shows the separation between the One in control and the one who submitted. The fact that the dungeon scene also has an element that is raw to it makes it exciting for many.

People who are in BDSM really can allow their natural traits to emerge during the scene. To me, it is the most basic way to show my dominance. At the same time, subs mentioned it is where they really experience being controlled by another. There is something about being able to do anything physically or sexually to another that stimulates these juices within us. Of course, safety remains a standard concern at all times (you didn't think I would skip over that, did you?).

The scene can occur within the bounds of a relationship or can be the basis for getting together. Often, a scene will develop at a party where there is a room set up with all the accessories. It is not uncommon to see a Dominatrix working on a sub she just met. Depending upon the "accessories" available, this can be a time when fantasies are fulfilled. Many like to be tied to benches, crosses, or other types of BDSM furniture. A variety of other accessories are used such as floggers, whips, paddles, and dildos. The scene might include sex but not always. It is up to the participants to decide what they want (ahead of time). Depending on the knowledge the two have of each other, there are rules agreed to including the use of safe words.

The scene is designed for one thing: pure pleasure. Both parties really can fulfill their basic dominating or submissive nature. It is the time where all inhibitions are cast aside. Remember safety but then, after that, seek out maximum pleasure.