Pain

I want to take this time to clear up some confusion that exists regarding pain.  Ironically, it seems that the confusion is equal on both the dominant and submissive side of things.  Therefore, I am going to try and bring up some points to assist people in their BDSM interactions.

There is no doubt that impact play is an important part of the lifestyle to many.  For those unfamiliar with the term, impact play simply conveys the idea of one being struck.  This can be with a hand or an object such as a whip or flogger.  The point is the individual is struck with something which results in impact on the body.

As I said, this is a part of the lifestyle for many albeit not everyone.  Too many see the images online and believe that BDSM is about sadism/masochism.  Like everything else under the BDSM umbrella, one is free to choose what he or she likes.  Not all dominants are sadist nor are all submissives masochists.  Quite simply, some enjoy pain and all that goes along with it and other do not.  Again, we see how interaction based upon commonality is so important.

That being said, for those who enjoy the pain aspect of this way of life, it is important to bring up some crucial points.  Many have the idea that this is about inflicting massive pain on someone.  It is not.  The online imagery presented, especially by the porn industry, makes it easy to conclude that all submissives are to be marked from head-to-toe.  While some are able to take this and relish it, I find it not to be the norm.  Most are unable to tolerate this level of pain.  Also, in many realms, since we operate in the real world, it is not feasible for a sub/slave to walk around with her arms and legs marked from a whip.  Therefore, it is important that we are continually in touch with our practical side.

It seems that many overlook that fact that pain threshold is a moving target.  What I mean by this is that the amount of pain one can take varies.  Even though who are involved with total pain sluts on a long term basis understand how the level of pain one embraces will vary from session to session.  There are a variety of factors that go into this.  Not only is there the physical component which can change each time but the mental, emotional, and psychological.  All these aspects affect how much she is able to take.

Therefore, it is crucial that a dominant is always monitoring what is going on during a scene.  Even with a submissive who he knows well, this is still true.  As mentioned, her ability to take pain is going to change from session to session.  Believing that because he administered what is considered "light" by their standards and that there is a lot of room for more pain is a mistake.  On that particular day, she might be at her limit rather quickly.

Another aspect to this is the time between sessions.  If one is still bruised or sore from the last session, she might not be physically able to handle a great deal of pain.  It is best for one to give adequate time between sessions to ensure proper healing before engaging in impact play again.  This is equally true for both the dominant as well as the submissive.  I have seen instances where a sub/slave wanted to go again without fully healing from the last session.  This can be common among newer people.  Both sides must resist the temptation.

At the same time, if one is experienced in pain but had not had a scene in a long time, her pain threshold can be diminished.  It might take her a few sessions to build back up to her maximum pain tolerance.  Again, with safety in mind, it is best for the dominant to monitor the situation.  He is responsible for her safety.  Trying to take one to levels she is not ready for can not only affect her physically but also psychologically.  To me, it is simply abusive to push one too far, too fast. 

Another problem that arises in this is the submissive's inherent desire to please.  This situation becomes magnified when a masochist is with a sadist.  Obviously, these types of individuals tend to the more extreme end of the pain scale.  However, as just mentioned, both parties must resist temptation to simply rush out to the "edges".  Unfortunately, I witnessed the disappointment in a submissive who is accustomed to taking a lot of pain, hence providing a sadist great pleasure, when her threshold was lowered for whatever reason.  Again, I must point out this is natural and in no way a reflection upon the individual.  Nevertheless, many seem to feel they let the dominant down in some way.  This feeling needs to be eliminated.  The simple fact is one can take what she can take and that is perfectly acceptable.  Neither the submissive nor the dominant should look at it as a "failing" on her part in any way. 

One final thought on this subject, which pertains to the dominant.  Impact play should not be engaged upon if you are not in the proper mental/emotional state.  Too many seem to think that it is okay to come home and instantly engage in this type of activity with a submissive no matter what.  The truth is that it is too easy to allow external situations affect the interaction.  When one is upset or angry at the ex-wife, as an example, he is in no shape to play with his slave.  This is a time when he needs to be aware of what is going on within himself and opt out.  We continually walk a fine line between acceptable behavior and abuse.  Crossing the pain threshold line because you are upset is, in simple terms, abusive.  A sub/slave is not your whipping post to take your frustrations out on.  Impact play is meant to provide a person of this ilk with the centering that comes from getting in touch with her core.  Only a dominant can provide this.  In turn, she assists in meeting his need to inflict pain upon another in an effort to move her forward.  It is a mutually satisfying situation.  When one crosses the line towards abuse, it no longer provides her with pleasure or fulfillment.  To me, this put one on the same level as simply an abuser who slaps his wife around.  Abuse is abuse no matter how it is disguised. 

Please keep these ideas in mind when you are looking to play.

DN 

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