August 23, 2014

Fantasy versus Reality

It is time to issue a wake up call to most of the BDSM world, especially the online crowd.  To start, I must say, clue in.  Welcome to life.  Entering the BDSM realm does not mean you leave nor exempt yourself from it.  We live in the real world with all its pleasures and perils.  Sadly, many seem to miss this point.

Dream Much?

BDSM novels tend to "romanticize" this way of life.  We all know what a bunch of garbage 50 Shades is in terms of the realism of it.  Now, it is pleasant reading and enjoyable much in the same way romance novels are.  However, would anyone really believe that a romance novel is a text of how to run your marriage?  Of course not.  Yet many people seem to believe that the BDSM world is reflected in books such as 50 Shades.

To start, the problem with 50 Shades is that how many dominants online are billionaires?  The idea that one is going to be taken and trek around the world is fairly unrealistic.  Now there might be some dominants/masters who are in a financial category which allows this but I would say you are best embracing the idea that you might not be able to find him.

Which brings up another belief so many have.  The idea that you are going to be home all day long, naked, and on your knees waiting for him to come through the door is another fantasy.  Welcome to life in the modern era.  Just looking around society, it is evident that most households require dual incomes.  No longer is it feasible, in most instances, to get by on one income.  Expenses are continually rising yet salaries are not.  This means that your ass is going to be clothed and sent off to work.  This is where the vast percentage of people are going to fall into.

Another thing that will burst people's bubble is that people involved in BDSM have problems.  People in all walks of life suffer from this.  Even those in the upper elite have their share of issues.  Look at Robin Williams.  He is a stark reminder that fame and fortune do not come without problems.  In fact, because of the money he earned, his problems had a higher price tag on them.  He paid out more in child support than most of us will make in our lifetimes.  Either way, his life ended tragically because he wasn't able to cope with what was occurring around him.  Therefore, do not expect your entry into BDSM to absolve you of your life problems even if you are a slave who is being taken care of.  There will be issues which arise.  Financial, family, and medical are just three areas that none of us can get out of.  Accept this as reality.

Finally, get over the sexfest mentality.  There is a lot more to BDSM than whips and chains.  Again, sex is great.  However, do people base a marriage exclusively upon this?  Is a marriage a 24/7 fuckfest where the house is torn apart from the passion?  Maybe that occurs for the first few weeks or months, but after that a routine is settled into.  The same with BDSM.  Life is not a continual play party.  In fact, if your BDSM existence is completely play parties, then you really are not in this lifestyle, you are just playing games.  So have fun but keep your place in perspective.  Those who are in serious BDSM relationships or seeking them, realize this is a lot more than just play.

These are the fantasies many seem to hold true.  Now let us look at the reality.

Wake Up Call

Welcome to the vanilla world with a twist.  If you want to know what reality looks like in the BDSM world, simply look around you now.  That is the reality of it.  Nothing is different other than the fact that in BDSM we structure our relationships in a different manner.  We have an unequal power exchange compared to one that is based upon parity.  That is the single biggest difference between the two.  Almost everything else is the same.  Sure, instead of playing cards on Saturday night we might engage in bondage and impact play.  However, the basic essence of life remains.  As mentioned, all the problems that go along with being alive are present for us also.

A BDSM relationship takes work.  Yes, I realize that it is unequal in terms of power.  However, that does not mean that automatic success is guaranteed.  Each party is responsible for certain things within the relationship.  It is a two-way street.  There are going to be times when conflict arises (yes this is true in a M/s situation also).  We do not escape the human element of ourselves by entering this way of life.  Therefore, everything that happens within the "vanilla" world will also take place here.  If married, there is a chance you will dislike your inlaws even if you do own their daughter.  Kids are going to create mischief because that is their nature.  Both masters and slaves will come home, at times, from work stressed out.  Whatever others deal with, expect to face the same situations yourself.

Alas, not all is bad.  One thing I can tell you is the potential within a BDSM relationship is much greater than that in the vanilla world.  Because of the necessity of trust, BDSM enables us to go to much deeper levels.  The responsibility that one accepts when he decides to own someone cannot be compared to anything in the traditional realm.  At the same time, having the ability to surrender your life over in that manner is also incomprehensible to most.  Nevertheless, this is a regular part of our existence within this way of life.  While it does come with challenges and burdens, the payoff, is much greater.  Two people can experience closeness that I, surmise, the vanilla world only dreams about.  When you own someone and are responsible for her life, that takes on a very special meaning.  It is not something to take lightly.  Yet the rewards can be incredible.  The same is true for the one who is owned (from what is related to me).  Depth and growth are truly at the core of our interactions because it requires us to delve into our cores to begin with.  Finding out such deep things about ourselves enables us to share that with another.  This is something, in my experience, the traditional world does not promote.  Instead, it readily accepts the dogma society espouses.  Simply in finding this way of life, we had to at least question, if not reject, those views.  This began the quest that led us here.

BDSM is a wonderful way to live your life and structure your interactions.  However, please keep fantasy and reality separate.  If you believe BDSM is going to be the answer to all your problems, then you are sadly mistaken.


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