July 29, 2014

Consistency: Crucial For A Dominant

Today is going to be a short post on a subject that I find extremely important.  Many like to write and discuss all the things a submissive is going to do for her dominant.  However, few want to delve into the other side of the equation.  Within a BDSM relationship, both parties have equal responsibility to give to the relationship.  Many seem to believe since we are involved in power exchange, that somehow that means (one) the dominant receives all the benefit.  Wrong.  Each person has a role to fulfill within the relationship and failure to provide that will increase the chance of the failing of the relationship taking place.

To me, a critical component of what a dominant provides to one he owns is consistency.  This is something that cannot be overlooked for the simple fact it will become something she can count upon.  There is nothing more difficult than for a submissive to constantly be guessing what emotional state she will encounter when seeing her dominant.  Since she is in the position to follow, she is taking her cues from him.  This means that if he is erratic, her behavior cannot help but to be the same.

I have no idea how many times I wrote this but I will do it again: before one can dominate or control another, he first much dominate/control himself.  So many miss this basic point.  They believe that having the quality of domination at one's core and reading a few websites equates to being able to dominate another human being.  This is absolute garbage.  Only those who are in control of themselves are able to properly carry that to another person.

Therefore, it is crucial for a dominant to be consistent in all he does with his submissive.  This starts with emotional control and avoiding the highs and lows of it all.  A submissive will fare much better when she knows what is walking through the door and not having to guess how he will react.  Also, a dominant should be consistent with his goals/objectives for her.  Failure to do so will create the proverbial moving target which is almost impossible to hit.  Finally, when things go wrong, he must be consistent with his discipline of her when it is warranted.  If she feels she can get away with things, she will either lose respect for him or test where the moving boundaries are, neither of which is a pleasant situation.  Consistency eliminates these problems.

A submissive will do much better when her dominant behaves in a consistent manner over time.  This fact is magnified when one is involved in a TPE M/s situation where power over all things resides in the hands of the master.  Uncertainty on any level is never a good thing for a slave and it is compounded when it is caused by the master's actions.  He is there to provide her clarity, not add to her burdens.

Therefore, begin to focus upon how you can be consistent in all you do.  It is always best to remember that a sub/slave is watching everything you do and listening to what you say.  Everything you do impacts her while making an imprint upon her psyche.  Consistency is imperative if you are going to ensure the impact is not negative.  And, as we all know, it is impossible to take back words (or undo actions) once they are released.


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