So why do I bring all this up? Quite simply, I am now going to write something that I view as a basic component that most miss in the BDSM world: the equality of a submissive.
Better Than One
Too many dominants operate from the belief they are better than the submissives. We see this clearly in their approach. They interact with submissive types like they are a lower species. Respect is not something they give. Hell, they fail to even give the most basic of courtesy instead opting to act like barbaric a**holes. Emails sent without provocation calling one slut, cunt, whore and a host of other demeaning names exemplifies this point. For some reason, they feel this behavior is acceptable simply because one chooses to call herself "submissive". It is not.
BDSM is about a hierarchical structure of power. It is not about one person being better than the other. Each person in the relationship has a role to fulfill. Through the exchange of power, we see the establishment of those roles clearly. The individual responsibilities are clearly marked with each offering up service (yes dominants/masters provide service) to fulfill the other. This exchange of power creates a situation of inequality in terms of the power but that is all.
Another central idea is that so many of the dominants we see operating, especially online, believe they are worth more than a submissive. This is also equally incorrect. It took a while for me to realize while I detest the "submission as a gift" idea. Ultimately, it comes down to the fact that when one proclaims this, she is establishing herself as better than another. Well, if that is true, my domination is also a gift. I wonder how well received it would be if dominants suddenly started posting in their profiles that their domination is a gift that they are looking for a submissive to receive and cherish. The bottom line is neither are gifts because a gift is given expecting nothing in return. When one submits to another (or dominates) there is an expectation of receiving something back (usually domination and submission). Hence, we see, that both pieces are needed.
Two Sides Of The Same Coin
I view domination and submission just opposite sides of the same coin. Like many traditional philosophies or disciplines, it takes both the "yin and the yang". You cannot have one without the other. Both are required to complete the whole. Without each performing its specific task, the other is worthless.
So, getting back to our egotistical, "I am better than you subbie" type dominants, let me ask a question:. What are the chances that your wonderful domination is worth a damn unless anyone submits? In other words, how can you dominate without a submissive? The answer is you cannot. It is the same as those who espouse how wonderful their submission is. Well, try to operate based upon that without a dominant. It simply does not work. The whole is incomplete.
Therefore, contrary to popular belief, being dominant is not better than being submissive. At the same time, a dom/master is not worth more than a submissive/slave. Quite simply, they are different. They each approach the situation (relationship) from opposite perspectives. The power exchange creates an inequitable situation but that does not alter each person's worth and value to the relationship. Both are equally important. If you do not believe me, please explain how you can exist and reach fulfillment without the other. The bottom line is this cannot happen. It is impossible. A dominant needs someone to dominate and a submissive needs someone to submit to. There is no relationship if there is only one party involved.
Remember this idea the next time you run across the dominant crackpots online. If one is speaking in an inappropriate manner, simply as him why he feels he has a right to do that. When he replies because he is dominant, ask him on what planet that suddenly elevates him to a level of worth above a submissive? No matter what he answers, tell him to show you how much value his domination has without you (or anyone else) submitting to him. Damn I would like to be a fly on the wall for that one.
DN
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